house. We could live these opposite lifestyles
and not be resentful.
Most of us know Stephen Shore and his travel
schedule. What most don’t know is that he and
his “DW” (darling wife) speak by phone at least
twice a day, every day, wherever he is in the
world. He picks up small, thoughtful gifts for
special days. They love to share good food, music and laughter. They enjoy wonderful weekends and long vacations together. And it works.
For 25 years or more.
Some of us will marry and be inseparable.
But for all of us, the truth is, whatever our
circumstances, we must each define marriage
for ourselves and embrace all of our uniqueness, including our neurodiversity, if we are to
be happy and complete. We must all “do our
Dena, her husband and their adorable Grandbaby!
work.” By that, I mean, do all we can to heal and
Whatever our circumstances,
leave behind the baggage we all gather over the
we must each define marriage
years. If I could have gifted my husband anything
in our marriage, I would have gifted him
for ourselves and embrace all of our
uniqueness,
an
unpacked
life. But then again, would we be
accommodate eachincluding
other for short
periods
of
our
neurodiversity,
where we are and who we are without that bag time, asking him to be less obsessive or for me
if we are to be happy and complete.
gage and the shared journey of unpacking the
to be more contained in my organization was
history?
like asking us to be Olympic athletes.
“
”
Words cannot express my gratitude for having
found this man who is so unconditional about
everything in our lives and who is the father
and grandfather our children deserve, standing
Once we learned these things, we wrestled for
strong after 20 years. After our working lives are
a while but soon were able to redefine marriage
over, we will probably move
for us—logiback to the same town and
cally, meanOnce we stopped trying
begin living in our beautiful
ingfully
to fit into some socially constructed idea little two-family home—but
and withwe won’t exchange keys!
out anger.
• Here’s the really weird thing … We. Were.
Both. Happier.
“
of what marriage has to be,
we were able to breathe again.
WHATTTT??? Yes! We learned that we were
happier living apart. Once we stopped trying to
fit into some socially constructed idea of what
marriage has to be, we were able to breathe
again. We embraced that we could both be the
best possible parents, grandparents and care
deeply for each other without sharing the same
42
ZOOM Autism through Many Lenses
”
Dena Gassner is the Director for the Center
for Understanding, a PhD student at Adelphi
University and an advocate, writer, and national presenter to schools, families and agencies
throughout the country. More importantly, Ms. Gassner lives a
life of transparency, embracing her i