zoologist who focuses on human animals , creating a unique flavor of anthropology . He refers to small talk as the human grooming display , saying it is “ like the social grooming processes of monkeys and apes ,” serving
“ to “ demonstrate vocally our pleasure at the meeting ” by “ paying compliments , showing concern , and showing pleasure .”
The dreaded , illogical How are you ? isn ’ t just an empty question , even though Morris himself admits the answer doesn ’ t matter . It ’ s the asking that matters . Small talk is a social display , communicating what we are about with whomever we ’ re talking to , and recognizing their unique experience as fellow human beings . When you say “ Hi , how are you ?” to your cashier at the grocery store , you ’ re not pretending that you care about his well-being ; you ’ re showing that you recognize that he exists as an equal to you with his own experience . I ’ ve found that cashiers treat me much better now that I say “ Good . How are you ?”
Social adaptation should be a two-way street . All too often the
burden is placed entirely on autistic instead of just “ good .”
Yet social adaptation should be a two-way street . All too often the burden is placed entirely on autistic people to communicate correctly , to change themselves to suit their nonautistic families , friends , coworkers , and romantic partners . It takes two to communicate , and it takes two to have a communication problem . Accurate , mutually-beneficial communication is always an act of compromise , no matter who ’ s involved .
people to communicate correctly , to change themselves to suit their nonautistic families , friends , coworkers , and romantic partners . ”
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ZOOM Autism through Many Lenses