The SCORE 2016 Issue 4 | Page 46

Method No . 1 :
Method No . 2 :

THREE METHODS FOR BEING AN EFFECTIVE PERSONAL ADVISER

By Dan Coughlin
44
2016 Issue 4 | THE SCORE

Ironically , the least important part of being an adviser to another person is the advice you give . You might be an adviser to other people inside your organization as a boss or mentor . You might serve as an adviser to people in a different organization as a coach , counselor or some other title . It doesn ’ t matter which situation you are in . If part of your job is to interact with another person in a way where you ’ re discussing his or her performance without exercising authority over the person , then here are three ways you can be an effective adviser .

Method No . 1 :
Create a Healthy Discussion-Centered Relationship
Act in a way that the other person trusts you and trusts that you will keep the contents of the conversation confidential . Listen attentively to what the other person is saying . The person needs to feel you are interested in what he or she is saying and that you care about him or her .
Demonstrate that you trust the other person to come up with the solution . Don ’ t tell the other person what to do . Summarize what you ’ ve heard so far , and ask , “ Do I have that right ?” If the other person says that it is a correct summary , then you can ask , “ Well , what do you think you should do
next ?” Then stop talking , and let the other person think .
Some people will respond in a second and some will take a minute . Just be patient and caring . Let the other person come up with an answer . Then you can respond to what the person says . Rather than judging his or her answer , you can ask , “ Why do you think that ’ s the right move to make ?” You will have plenty of opportunities to share your perspective , but start by getting the other person to think .
I ’ ve been an executive coach since 1997 . About 15 years ago one of my clients said , “ I think of you as a thinking partner . You ’ re not telling me what to do . We ’ re thinking together about how to improve a situation .” I like the title “ thinking partner ” much more than “ executive coach .”
The best book I ’ ve read on this method is “ On Becoming a Person : A Therapist ’ s View of Psychotherapy ” by Carl Rogers and Peter Kramer .
Method No . 2 :
Challenge Thoughts that Produce Negative Emotions
When a person is clearly stuck in a negative emotion ( fear ,