Irrational Beliefs
and What to
Do About Them
By Dan Coughlin
I
n 1961 Albert Ellis and Robert Harper wrote a book called
“A Guide to Rational Living.”It is certainly one of the most
powerful books I’ve read. Their main point was that our
irrational beliefs can generate sustained negative emotions
(anxiety, fear, rage, pessimism, hopelessness and helplessness),
and we need to consciously dismantle those irrational beliefs in
order to move on from those emotions.
Here’s an example of an irrational belief I used to have:
I believed people would do what I expected them to do.
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Here are four examples of how this irrational belief
impacted my emotions.
I was asked to serve a three-year term on two different
not-for-profit boards. In both cases, I expected that the board
meetings would consist of very collaborative discussions
because all the board members were volunteers and they were
all asked to be on the board because of what they brought to
the table in terms of their knowledge and experience. In reality,
on both boards a few people made all the decisions. There was
virtually no real collaboration at all in all those years. I became
extremely frustrated because people didn’t do what I expected
them to do.
I expected that my children would have the same passions
that I had. I became frustrated with them when they didn’t
have the same passions that I had. The things I loved to do,
they didn’t love to do.
When my children put on what I
thought was a really strong performance in
something, I expected that certain people
would compliment them. I became frustrated when they criticized them.
When I give a workshop, I talk for
about five minutes and then I create an interactive exercise
for the audience to do something. I used to expect that people
would listen while I talked for five minutes. I became extremely
frustrated when some people would talk out loud while I was
teaching some idea.
The Problem Was With My Belief
It finally dawned on me that the problem wasn’t with
other people. The problem was with me. I was operating under
an irrational belief. People don’t do what I expect them to do.
They do whatever they want to do. They’re humans. They have
freedom of choice. As soon as I realized that, I stopped being
frustrated with them. They were just being themselves.
How to Dismantle an Irrational Belief
First, whenever you feel trapped in a negative emotion
over a long period of time, know that you might be able to
trace that emotion back to an irrational belief. Second, after you
identify that irrational belief, examine the belief in order to see
that your belief doesn’t make sense at all.