I
nvitations to be a working actress fell
away gradually, but agents would say, “things are
slow…hang in there….” and other innocuous
phrases to pacify the desperation. I had moved on
anyway, after too many birthdays, the show Friends
went off the air, I was passed over for Gilmore
Girls and was never offered invitations to even
audition, much less win a role for many things I
could have been right for. (Other than a brief stint
on the Larry David pilot, and hundreds of VO’s
that didn’t pay the rent consistently enough for me
to feel like it was a career.) My acting coach,
Candace Silvers, had advised me to think of acting
as a hobby. She pushed me into teaching about
food. I knew a lot about food. Food had been a
constant encouraging companion. I saved my life
by switching my diet, and the actors who had seen
my transformation from suffering to well, wanted
to know my secrets. Still, I thought I had more
time.
When I was young , I couldn’t wait to be
done with school and get on with success. It
seemed that there was an order to life, like going
from first grade to second grade. I faithfully
completed some steps but missed the big rites of
passage. There was no bat mitzvah, I had to quit
college because of illness, so no big college
graduation, no marriages, or divorces. I was a seed
trying to sprout and somehow I never got watered
enough to get out of the dirt. I kept hearing of my
friend’s accomplishments. They bought homes,
had kids, won promotions, and I picked away at
growing into a food coach, letting go of the
identity of actor, all the while feeling the same age
as always, and not someone who should hurry
things along. I didn’t know how to hurry things
along.
I should have
heard my life
passing.
50
THE CONE - ISSUE #8 - WINTER 2016