Learning to smile
after years of tears
I grew up in a home where alcohol was all
around me, and as my family intoxicated
themselves, words would fly across the
room causing arguments and unnecessary
fights. I heard things no teenager should
ever hear.
As time passed by, I began to develop
deep complexes and insecurities that took
their toll on my behaviour and conduct
at school. I would compare myself daily
to friends and wonder why I didn’t have a
normal family like them.
Sooner than later, I became very bitter and
rebellious towards everyone, especially
against my own mother. A deep hatred
found itself in my heart to the point I
couldn’t stand her voice and her presence.
If you think that I had a father figure, then
you’re wrong; he left when I was 5 and I only
held my mother to blame. My life felt like
a cycle, and when the day was coming to
an end, the angry, rebellious girl everyone
knew would hysterically cry with anguish
and pain. “I just want to be happy… Is that
too much to ask for?” I shouted.
But as the sun rose, so did my facade take
its place. Drinking and smoking were
something normal for me, but I had the
shock of my life when I realised I failed
all my exams. I ran to the toilet and once
again the tears ran down my face. The
embarrassment really hit home when I
couldn’t get in to college.
That night there was no screaming or
shouting. I only cried myself to sleep,
hoping that it was all a dream. I hoped to
STOP SUFFERING|10
say things got better from here, but the
truth was that I sank into depression and
went to all different kinds of counselling
sessions. At the age of 16, I was officially
diagnosed with depression… what else
would go wrong in my life? To my surprise,
I accepted the invitation from my aunt to
attend the UCKG Help Centre. I received
hope that my future could actually be
different.
I spoke to the advisers, who encouraged
me and gave me practical steps to turn
things around. I had finally found people
who understood what I was going through
and believed in me.
I attended the daily sessions, and in a short
period of time, my doctor said I didn’t need
to take the antidepressants anymore.
Today my life has a whole different
meaning. I am a new person; I am stronger
to face the problems and difficulties that
may come my way.
Leanne N.