I apologized for disrespecting him for so many years , even though I wasn ’ t exactly sure yet of all the ways I had hurt him . Because he had never said a word
about it , I was in total shock that I had hurt him at all . He immediately forgave me . I was amazed . I didn ’ t forgive him so easily for anything — not even for some small slight ; however , here he was forgiving me for over 14 years of unknowingly causing him to feel really unloved by me and unsafe with me . I told him , “ When I figure out what all of this respect stuff means , you are going to feel like the most respected husband on the planet !” He laughed – in a good way .
Over the next few weeks , God began to reveal the full extent of “ icky-ness ” in my heart . He showed me things to which I had been totally blind – like pride , self-righteousness , unforgiveness , bitterness , gossip , resentment , unbelief in Him , fear , worry , anxiety , and so many idols in my life ( things I wanted more than I wanted God ). I was totally mortified ! I knew I was a sinner when I received Christ as my Savior as a five-year-old , but I had never really faced the depth of my sin – that I was a wretched sinner - until this point , as a 35-year-old woman .
I spent the next three and a half years ( for about three to four hours every day ) studying over 30 books about what it means to be a godly wife , what godly marriage means , what biblical submission is and what it is not , what respect is to men , what godly femininity is , and how to better understand men . I journaled . I wrestled and agonized . I prayed more fervently , sincerely , and humbly than I ever had in my life . I allowed God to shine His light and truth into the darkest corners of my soul . Nothing was off limits to Him anymore . From that point on , I was determined to do things His way , no matter what the personal cost to me . My prayers changed so that I began to thank God for Greg and asked Him to bless my husband while my prayers for myself became , “ God , change me ! Show me what it means to be the woman and wife You want me to be ! I don ’ t know how to do this . I need You desperately every moment ! Only You can give me the power to be the woman and wife You want me to be .”
After that time , Greg told me he felt safe with me again and that he thought I should share some of the things God had shown me with other wives . What an incredible moment – and one I will never forget ! In January of 2012 , I started www . peacefulwife . com — a blog for other wives where I shared the spiritual treasures God had given me and the healing truths that I had learned . Two years later , Greg asked me to consider writing a book . He has been my biggest supporter , my IT guy , my sounding board , and my wise counselor in ministry . God has led me , through Greg , to His mission for me in such amazing ways . This was the husband I thought “ couldn ’ t hear God and couldn ’ t lead me .” But , when I stopped trying to force Greg to be the man I wanted him to be and let God work in us both , Greg began to hear God and to stand taller , becoming more and more the amazing Christian man I always knew he could be .
" God , change me ! Show me what it means to be the woman and wife You want me to be !"
My first book , The Peaceful Wife – Living in Submission to Christ as Lord , was published in January , 2016 , by Kregel Publications , after about 18 months of drafting , re-writing , and editing . The book covers topics such as :
• The cultural reasons that disrespecting men is just a “ normal ” thing now
• How to recognize disrespect in our attitudes , motives , and actions
• How to examine ourselves in the light of God ’ s Word for hidden sin that may be poisoning our relationship with God and with our husbands
• What real respect looks like to men ( and to everyone )
• How to communicate our needs , feelings , concerns , and desires in ways that our husbands can best hear our hearts
• How to have God ’ s power to build up our husbands and marriages instead of using destructive fleshly power to tear down our men
• How to handle conflict respectfully
• What it means to live for Christ as Lord
• What biblical submission in marriage is and is not
Ultimately , the questions are : Am I willing to obey God and to do things His way , no matter what my husband does ? Am I willing to seek to please Christ far above everything else in my life ?
My prayer is that God might use this book to “ connect the dots ” more closely for women . We have absorbed so many ungodly ideas from our culture and sometimes from our upbringing ( although my parents had a very good marriage ). Unless someone takes the time to walk through these ideas in detail with us and to show us what is of God and what is not , it can be very difficult to see clearly . I was also surprised that no one had ever really confronted my toxic ways of thinking , either in the church or in my family .
I hope that God might use the painful baby steps He showed me to draw many other women to Him so that we might all truly learn to live for Him as LORD of everything in our lives . I also pray that God might use this book ( and my blog sites ) to bring His healing to many marriages . I want to see God raise up a new generation of women to become a holy army for Him – leaving a godly example to younger women and to the next generations that was not there for many of us . continued
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