I thought I was the most wonderful Christian wife ever for more than fourteen years of marriage .
Chick Lit in every issue Photographed by Kelly Smith
April Cassidy
I thought I was the most wonderful Christian wife ever for more than fourteen years of marriage .
I mean – I read my Bible every day , prayed every day ( sometimes up to four hours per day ), went to church three times a week usually , and only listened to Christian music . I had always been a “ good girl ” when I was growing up ; I never really got into trouble at home or at school . I was a classic Type A , go-getter , made-all-A ’ s- in-school , earned-full-college-scholarship , kind of girl . I just like to get things done and not sit around and wait forever . After all , why change things slowly when you can change them all at once , right ?
My husband , Greg , and I faced a number of challenging and unexpected trials the first summer we were married , and Greg became passive and unplugged . Because “ he wouldn ’ t lead ,” I felt I had to take over . I believed God needed to change Greg to make him much more loving and a better leader . I was very verbal with Greg about the things I thought he needed to change and how he could improve as a husband and as a believer in Christ . Actually , most of my prayer life was about these issues . I loved Greg with all of my heart and just knew I could help him become the man God wanted him to be - if only he would listen and do what I told him to do !
Then , one Sunday night in December , 2008 , I picked up the book Love and Respect , by Dr . Emerson Eggerichs , in our church bookstore . Dr . Eggerichs wrote that husbands need respect the way wives need love . I was completely baffled and said to Greg , “ Look what this book says . That can ’ t be right . Husbands need love like wives do , right ?” Greg said casually , “ I would say what he wrote is true . Husbands need respect more than love .” What ? If my “ Christian wife report card ” was about how well I respected Greg instead of how much I loved him , I suddenly had a very horrible feeling that I might have a D- instead of an A + on that card .
I asked Greg to tell me what was respectful and disrespectful to him as a husband . I figured there would be a few things in each column and , in five minutes , I would have it all down . Problem solved ! Greg said , “ I don ’ t really know what would be disrespectful or respectful to husbands .” This blew my mind . I said , “ Well , if you don ’ t know what I need to do to respect you and I don ’ t know what disrespect means , what am I supposed to do ?” He just shrugged and kept reading book titles .
36 FEBRUARY 2017 SHEMAGAZINE . COM