Humor at the Beading Table
club parking lot.
Randy was impatient
with me, insisting that my, not so muffled
screams, were annoying other club members. His voice becomes a little too perky
for this early in the morning when he scolds
me—his voice takes on this nasally kind of
whine that is highly annoying. My chest
hurt when I got on the treadmill so Randy
put me on the Stair Monster. What kind of
sadistic fool would invent a machine meant
to simulate an activity made obsolete by elevators and escalators? Randy assured me
that all this would help me get in shape and
enjoy life more ... he said some other nasty
things too.
THURSDAY:
As usual, Mr. Full of Himself was waiting for
me, staring at his watch, with his thin cruel
lips pulled back in a full on snarl. I couldn’t
help being a half hour late ... it took me that
long to put my shoes on. Randy took me
over to work out with dumb bells. When he
wasn’t looking I fled into the ladies’ room.
He sent Helga in after me, and then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine
SATURDAY:
Randy left a message on my answering machine in his grating shrill voice wondering
why I didn’t show up today. Just hearing his
nasty voice made him want to smash the
machine with my planner. The fact is, I am
too weak to even work the TV remote and
ended up catching eleven straight hours of
the weather channel!
SUNDAY:
Ok. I am having the church van pick me
up for services this morning so I can go and
thank God this fantasy is over. I will also
pray that next year year my husband will
choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root
canal!
FRIDAY:
I am laying in my bed, seemingly unable to
get up, and thinking about how much I hate
Randy... more than any other human being
on the planet. Stupid , skinny, anaemic little
cheerleader wanna-be anyway! If there was
any part of my body I could move without
unbearable pain I would seriously beat him
with it.
Today, Randy wants me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you
don’t want dents in your floor, then don’t
hand me anything that weighs more than a
sandwich. This treadmill flung me off, and
I landed on the health and nutrition coach!
Why couldn’t it have been someone softer
like the drama coach or choir director?
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