Christmas
conundrum
Christmas is supposed to be a time of goodwill and cheer but for many
parents who are separated agreeing with whom the children will spend
Christmas with can create a lot of tension and stress.
Communicate
As hard as it may be you and your
former partner must put aside any
personal differences and communicate
with each other. Do not discuss the
arrangements when the children
are around. Avoid discussing the
arrangements at contact hand overs
otherwise you risk exposing the children
to animosity and causing them upset.
Be child focussed
Think about what is best for your child.
Take into account the wishes and feelings
of the children in light of their age and
understanding. Do not ask the children to
decide where they would prefer to spend
Christmas though, this is unfair and puts
them in a very difficult position.
There is no hard and fast rule about the
arrangements for children during special
occasions such as Christmas, you have
to look at the circumstances of each
individual case and consider what is best
for the child.
As difficult as it can be it is best for the
parents to try and work together to reach
an amicable agreement with regards
to the arrangements for their children
during the Christmas period.
If you are separated from the other
parent of your child here are some tips
to help you sort out the arrangements at
Christmas:
Plan ahead
Having the arrangements worked
out at least a month in advance is
recommended. Having some clarity and
certainty about the arrangements in
advance can help reduce tensions and
give everyone some peace of mind, it will
also give you time to get help if you need
it from say a mediator or lawyer.
Be positive
Do not speak negatively to your child
about the other parent, or criticise
their plans with the other parent. Any
negativity will impact on the Christmas
celebrations and tarnish you child’s
memories of Christmas for the rest of
their life.
Think long term and don’t lose
perspective. Remember Christmas is just
one day out of 364. Take time to enjoy
the lead up to Christmas with your child
in the time you do have together. Think
about what is going to happen over the
next few years. Don’t forget that there
will be other Christmases and special
occasions when the children can spend
time with you.
If you really can’t agree the Christmas
arrangements then you can try and
work things out through mediation,
collaborative law, solicitor led negotiation
or the courts.
The child is the most important person
to consider when making arrangements
for Christmas and if their parents can do
this in an amicable way their experience
of Christmas is likely to be a much
happier one.
By Gemma Hope
23