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Q ‑ al
When my kids were younger, it seemed like they always
wanted my attention. We could do just about anything
together, and they would call it their “best day ever.” Remember those days? Me too!
But now that they’re teenagers, it’s me who has to make
the effort to spend time with them. In the blink of an eye
it’s gone from them begging for my attention to me begging for theirs.
If you’re like me and want to stay active and engaged in
your teen’s life, don’t despair. Try these tips, and you’ll see
an improvement in your quality time before you know it:
Step away from the screen
Smart phones. E-Readers. Computers. TVs. Tablets. You
name it and in this day and age we’ve got a screen that will
distract us. No matter what your vice (mine is my iPhone),
it’s important to put it away while you’re interacting with
your teen. If you’re trying to spend quality time with your
child, then turn off your favorite tv show, walk away from
Facebook, put down the Kindle, and leave your phone on
silent.
Now, this doesn’t mean that the two of you can’t share
some screen time by watching television together or enjoying a game of Words With Friends on your smart phones.
What it means is that when you are sharing time with your
child, don’t let your personal screen use get in the way. I
know your kids might be texting or tweeting while you
hang out with them, but set a good example and show
your teens that you prioritize time with them.
-Be a Willing LearnerYour teen knows a lot, a whole lot. Let them take on
the role of teacher, and I promise the two of you will
grow closer. Think of something you want to know
more about and have them show you how it’s done.
For example, have you always wanted to put some of
your music onto your iPhone, but are completely lost
on how to do it? Want to make a digital scrapbook
from your pictures of your last family vacation but
can’t figure out how? Need to make a Power Point for
a meeting but don’t have a clue as to what that
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Entice your teens into spending
some valuable time with you.
USE YOUR SOCIAL SKILLS
When we interact with other adults, we typically use good
manners. We look them in the eye when we’re having a
conversation; we listen attentively; we smile; and we don’t
interrupt. Why then, do we think it’s okay to abandon our
social skills when spending time with our teens? For instance, when I’m doing housework and my child walks in
the room and speaks to me, sometimes I don’t even look
up. I just answer them and continue doing my chores.
Imagine if you didn’t look your boss in the eye during a
conversation at work or smile at your friend who stopped
by for a chat. We’d never do that, so it’s important for us
to show the same courtesy to our children and use good
conversational manners with them too. In addition to
showing our teens that we care, using good social skills
provides them with a valuable example of how to behave
in their personal and professional interactions with others.
Dr. Polly Dunn
is a licensed child psychologist, wife
and mom of four. She is the director of
the Auburn University Psychological
Services Center and offers her “Perfectly
Imperfect Parenting Solutions”
at www.ChildPsychMom.com.
even is? Well, guess what? Even though you might
not know what to do, your teen knows how to do all
these things.
Have your child give you some tutorials and
remember, you’re the student and they are the
teacher. Listen attentively, ask thoughtful questions
and follow their advice. Then be grateful for their
help, just like you would be thankful to a colleague,
friend or professor. I’ve learned through the years
that this is a guaranteed way to spend time with your
teen, improve their self-confidence and learn a new
skill all at the same time. Everyone wins.
www.potentialmagazine.com