The Ethos of Cool vs. the Ethos of Chill
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in an era where the absence of either a mom or dad or both13 is very nearly the
rule rather than the exception, kids are obliged oftentimes to parent each other by
substituting friendly support and kindness (so conspicuously missing in many of
their lives) for the deeper and more dangerous personal commitments of romantic
love.
A few months ago I invited four of my best students out to lunch to
celebrate the end of the school year. All were females; all had taken multiple
courses from me here at California State University, Bakersfield. They were
quite attractive in varying degrees: two were pretty, one very pretty, the fourth
stunningly beautiful. All four were “between boyfriends” and—what interested
me—seemed in no hurry to find new ones.
Momentarily bereft of significant male others, these girls were spending
their leisure time doing with each other—not sexually but socially—exactly what
they’d been doing with their boyfriends. They went to bars and played pool; they
crashed parties; they “chilled” at one another’s houses and apartments, drinking
beer and margaritas, smoking pot, and watching vid V