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church” (93-95). However, Monette’s memoir reveals no traces of such bargaining,
with the author making it clear that even in the face of Horwitz’s impending death,
both men remained steadfast atheists. Monette emphasizes that their strategy was
not to bargain for a miracle of additional time, but rather make the fullest use of
their time together by doing the things they loved: travehng, reading, and spending
time with friends.
When the terminally ill patient can no longer deny his or her phght, and anger
and bargaining prove ineffective, Kubler-Ross says the next stage is often depression
over the great loss about to occur. Surprisingly, Monette’s memoir displays a
restrained sense of depression, with the author strugghng throughout the book to
ward off depression in an effort to keep Horwitz’s spirits from plummeting. Monette
tells a friend that despite his lover’s dire condition and the news that he also has
contracted AIDS, he feels more frantic than depressed, adding: “I could neither
hold to nor project a future anymore, and the consequent dread and rage had left
me wildly manic. Sometimes I could feel my heart pounding as I counted out the
day’s pills from eight different vials, or ventriloquized a smile in order to talk
business.. .If I dared to slow down or think too much I’d end up looking blankly at
the ceiling...” (304).
It stands as a testament to their love that it wasn’t until the final hours of
Horwitz’s life— with his brain swelling from meningitis and his temperature
skyrocketing—that both men had reached the acceptance stage. Up to that point,
Monette and Horwitz had refused to concede that Horwitz would die, even in the
face of blindness and a steady onslaught of infections and maladies. With death on
the doorstep, Monette writes, “I walked through the rest of it numb and lost, borne
along by the new and ghastly rituals of separation. Yet I was curiously abstracted
too, and unable to cry. The fight had gone out of me, there being no point anymore”
(340).
Horwitz’s decision not to be placed in the intensive-care unit for treatment
during his final hours reflects Kubler-Ross’ observation that a patient in the
acceptance stage will have jettisoned his or her anger and depression over the
impending death, replacing those states with calmness and acquiescence (12324). Sadly, nine years after Horwitz’s death, Paul Monette suffered the same fate
from the same disease, and Ukely experienced some of the same stages of dying
that his friend and lover encountered.
Unbecoming
While Monette’s memoir reflects key components of Kubler-Ross’ five stages of
death theory, Eric Michaels’ memoir Unbecoming mirrors only the stages of anger,
depression, and acceptance. Michaels’ anger permeates virtually every page of his
account, and he accepted his fate early on because he spent most of his life feehng