18
DEALING WITH
SEPARATION
ANXIETY
Trust is one of the first steps towards independence
Wailing, screaming, clinging and a general
unwillingness to let you out of sight for a second
are all signs that your baby, who was previously
happy to go to anyone, is moving into the next
developmental stage. You may also find that
your sociable baby suddenly doesn’t want to
go to anybody else but you. Separation anxiety
often goes hand in hand with a fear of strangers.
Rest assured, however, that this is all a very
normal part of development, which can occur
any time from seven or eight months onwards
as your baby discovers that you are a separate
being from them.
Unfortunately, there’s no avoiding separation
anxiety – although some children may suffer
more than others, it is one of those inevitable
stages of babyhood. But there are ways you
can help ease the misery for both baby and
yourself. One suggestion which many moms find
effective, is to build up ‘settling in’ sessions with
your childcare provider or crèche before you
start back to work – start with an hour, gradually
increasing over two weeks before you actually
go back to work.
There’s no doubt that separation anxiety is
upsetting for parents too. “I felt so guilty, like
I had done something wrong,” says Alison, mom
to 14-month-old Thomas. “Every time I left his
line of vision, let alone the room, he started to
cry. I found that keeping talking to him, so that
he could hear my voice, really helped to keep
him calm on those instances. And, although
we had a recurrence of the tears when he started
crèche, reassuring him every day that I would
be back after he had played and had a nap
seemed to help him settle.”
This communication is reputed to be the best
way to reassure your little one, as they soon
start to see that you will return as promised.
This trust is one of the first steps towards
independence and your baby having the
confidence to do things on her own.
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For your big parenting adventure