understanding how each step in your law school path fits into a bigger picture, your partner will be able to feel more engaged in your law student experience. It is also very important for your partner to feel that while law school is a big part of your life, it is not ruling the family’s life. Work as a team and adjust your goals as needed. Be especially mindful and considerate of your partner’s own personal and professional goals and important events.
Maintain a Healthy, Active Sex Life
Intimacy is a big part of any healthy marriage or relationship. However, when we get too busy or too stressed, intimacy and sex can begin to fall by the wayside. If you are not in the habit of discussing such an important topic in your relationship, law school may be the time to start. Do not be ashamed of planning date nights or even scheduling time that each of you can look forward to. If physical touch is your love language2 or that of your partner, speaking about and maintaining a healthy sex life is very important. For many relationships, maintaining a healthy sex life involves setting a comfortable pattern for both partners. If this has not happened already, be honest and discuss what time of the day your sexual drives meet. Sex is just another part of a relationship and you and your partner should be very honest with each other. In the working world, busy couples often have to deal with active schedules, law school is similar.
Streamline Responsibilities
Figure Out the Finances
Whether you are going to school full time or part time, it is very important to discuss how the situation will affect your individual and joint incomes. With your partner, sit down and write a monthly budget. If you are taking out loans, be sure to keep your partner informed about any financial awards or disbursements amounts and timelines. Incorporate your disbursement schedules along with your partner’s pay schedules so that both of you can visually see income flows and payments required as they are due. Even with the financial aid you may be receiving, the reality is that your partner may feel more pressure to provide now that you are in law school. For these reasons, sit down regularly, perhaps once a month, to discuss the family’s financial situation. Revisit budget plans and expenses to help minimize unnecessary money anxieties.
What’s For Dinner and Who Is Going Shopping?
If you are the cook of the family, and your partner has come to rely on you, things are very likely going to have to change. As a law school student, you will not have time to prepare meals before or after class every day. Prepare a “recipe book” for your partner with some basic instructions on how to make simple meals for the both of you. Plan date nights where you relieve your partner of any dinner-making responsibilities or where you make dinner together.
If your partner does the cooking, ask your partner to make meals that are easily made and transported, like salads, or, pasta and rice dishes. This will be helpful if you are under a tight deadline and cannot sit down to have a meal. Or, these meals will help if you need to bring lunch or dinner to school because you anticipate having a really long day without time to buy food in between class or meetings. Ask for meals that require very little cutting of food or take up extra space on your desk.
For some couples, going grocery shopping together can be a fun part of their routine. For other couples, it makes more sense to have just one person do the grocery shopping or to alternate the responsibility. For those partners with acts of service love languages, taking charge of the grocery shopping can work especially well. If your partner does the grocery shopping, help him or her by creating the grocery list. Be sure to include snacks! You will often be at school for long periods of time. Nothing gets you through the day like an endless supply of snacks. Invest in reusable containers to bring cut up fruit, granola, cereal, fruit bars, and anything easy to eat and not noisy. Also, if you are a coffee drinker, asks your partner to stock up on coffee in the house.
Manage Your Time…and Remember to Love Your Relationship!
Stay in Control of Your Schedule
Communicate to your partner what your schedule will be on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis. Take some time to sit down and write down class and exam schedules, as well as breaks. Be sure to include any extra-curricular events like clubs or potential conferences. Sitting down together and writing everything down will help you and your partner set reasonable expectations about the time you two will have to spend with each other and to dedicate to other responsibilities. You can use a physical calendar, or if you are both tech savvy, a shared Google calendar might be a good idea. Be sure to let your partner know of any changes to your schedule so there are no surprises. By sharing your schedules in a more systematic way, your partner will feel more engaged in your schedule (and vice versa) and you will not be stressed with constantly needing to remind your partner about your commitments and schedule.
Make Time to Relax…Together and Alone!
It may sometimes feel like you have no time to take a break but it is important to take periodic breaks to clear your head and enjoy quality time with your partner. Activities can include watching a movie, going to the gym together, taking a long walk, attending church, or spending intimate time at home. If there is a unique activity you do as a couple, you may want to set time aside on special occasions or build in the activity into your own schedule. For example, cooking together, salsa dancing, or trying a new restaurant in town. Whatever you do, be sure to be fully in the moment without distractions, and to connect with each other.
1, 2 Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages, http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ (last visited Jan. 21, 2014)
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