Children are 100% emotional 100% of the time. If your parents are still alive
today, you will become very emotional about the things they say and do as well.
We were created with our emotional system and when utilized properly they can
be wonderful. As you know there are positive emotions and negative emotions.
Each has their own consequences and rewards.
Written by Arthur F D Johnson Jr. 2013
Excerpt from Family Finances Faith & Fun...
Cognitive is strictly a left brain function. Our logic center, it is where we learn that one plus
one equals two or two people can have more than one child through pro-creation. So in that
since, one plus one equals many. Our emotional compass comes from our right brain which is
he first side to grow and it controls memory and emotions. Without getting to deep into the brain and how it works, let us look at how a conversation with someone who is speaking from the left brain (Cognitive) and someone speaking from the right brain (memory and emotions) conversations will usually go. Parents tend to be cognitive with their children. Husbands are very much cognitive with their spouse. On those rare occasions, I have met the cognitive wife and the emotional man. Either way you slice it, the results will be the same. You might want to write this phrase down and remember it when you are having a logical cognitive conversation with your child or your spouse.“Cognitive or logical conversations with an emotional person will always communicate value to the emotional person.”
To further illustrate this point, let me tell you of this session I have with a grandmother who was raising her grandson with very maladaptive behaviors at home and at school. To paraphrase the conversation a bit; she stated that she was 68 years old and the client was 12. He needed to change soon because she was getting older and would not be able to handle him at 18 if he would continue to at this way. She stated hopefully he would change because if he doesn’t at 18, she would have to put him out of her house due to her not being able to handle the stressful relationship in another 6 years. She stated, “he has six years to get himself together otherwise, he is out of here.” To the average adult that would have heard her say this, there would be agreement and understanding of the grandmother’s plight. There would be understanding of her Fear, Stress, and Trauma over raising a 12 year old with behavior issues at home and at school.
Rather than the “you” message let’s try saying something that would cause them to become cognitive from the beginning. What if you asked questions rather than make statements?