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Where in the World - Australia ’ s Great Ocean Road
Submitted by Dean Johnston
The first step toward being known as a world-class tourist destination is having a great name . The kind of name that evokes wonder and envy , and where just the sound of it makes you want to put down the remote , pack your best multi-purpose shorts , set up a new John Denver playlist on your phone and hit the road . And what could fit that bill better than the “ Great Ocean Road ”? Not only does it sound grand and epic , but it has the word “ road ” right in the name just so there ’ s no confusion about what you ’ re getting yourself into . This famously scenic drive runs roughly 240 kilometres west from Torquay , a small city located a couple hours outside of Melbourne . It is technically possible to tackle the entire thing in one very long day , but in order to properly enjoy it and take advantage of all the stops along the way , it is best to spend three or four days .
Almost immediately after passing through Torquay the amazing , practically deserted , beaches start coming thick and fast . Bell ’ s Beach , a world-renowned surf spot , is among the first . Unfortunately , we hadn ’ t planned it quite right and arrived just two days after the biggest surfing event of the year . We missed out on seeing the best surfers in the world take on some of the best waves in the world , and instead of encountering a packed beach heaving with crowds , parties and unwisely challenging drinking contests , there was just us and a couple people discreetly covering up their dog ’ s excrement with sand hoping no one would notice .
From then on it was just one incredible view after another , interspersed with charming little beach
towns featuring well-tended rest areas , giant burgers , an improbable number of “ world ’ s best ice cream ” shops , and enough souvenir stores selling decorative “ Great Ocean Road ” paraphernalia to carry you through the next ten years of office gift exchanges . Around every corner there was another pullout offering a stunning photo op or another beach with no one around except a mob of lazy , sun-drowsy kangaroos . Yes , in most places along the southern coast of Australia kangaroos are just as common as the stereotypes would have us believe . What is somewhat different , however , is just how much less hopping they do , and how much more sleeping . The other feature animal of the Great Ocean Road is the elusive and adorable koala bear . With varying amounts of effort we managed to spot three separate koalas ; two with some difficulty off through the trees , and one in a conveniently photogenic tree directly above the parking lot of the aptly named Koala Café . That one , however , seemed suspiciously motionless and , just possibly , a little too perfectly posed .
From a landscape perspective , the big stars of the Ocean Road show are a set of extraordinary rock formations just offshore known collectively as the “ Twelve Apostles ”. The irony of this name is that there are really only nine , or maybe only seven , since no one seems to agree on exactly which ones qualify . Apparently the others have succumbed to the passage of time , or gravity , or the waves , or maybe simply were removed as part of a contentious divorce settlement . The best one was called London Bridge , although the bridge part has actually collapsed now , making it either fairly unrealistic or frighteningly prophetic .
Among the other highlights were the many different short hikes available , Otway Lighthouse perched on an incredible rugged point , and the $ 200 photo radar speeding ticket I received in the mail two months after returning home . I made great time back to Melbourne , though , so I think it ’ s safe to say it was money well spent .
In the end , the Great Ocean Road is a trip that can really be as short or as long as you want it to be , but even if you just set aside the bare minimum you ’ d be hard-pressed to find a more scenic and varied way to spend four days in a rented Toyota compact . Five Things : 1 . Australian summer is Canadian winter , and vice versa . The same applies to night and day , although apparently not ham and salami .
2 . All the Barbies we saw were disappointingly bereft of Shrimps .
3 . The koalas are not , in fact , for sale , which I eventually found out the hard way .
4 . Kangaroos are truly terrifying , even when they don ’ t have their boxing gloves on .
5 . It turns out only travellers and Indonesian hostels refer to ingesting debilitating levels of alcohol as being “ Australian Drunk ”, not Australians themselves .
Dean Johnston is the author of Random Acts of Travel : Featuring Trepidation , Hammocks and Spitting and Behind the Albergue Door : Inspiration Agony Adventure on the Camino de Santiago . He is currently working his way through the 300 beers of Prague - http :// routinelynomadic . com .
ABOVE : Suspicious kangaroos .
ABOVE : Two of the Apostles . Attention Hunters
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( 306 ) 955-9791 www . smokehaus . ca After Hours ($ 30 ) 306-380-0563