allow ourselves to feel or think because it ’ s just too horrible , we should not be thinking that way . So why do we have those thoughts and feelings in the first place ?
When we are tired , overstretched , sad or stressed , it ’ s natural for our brain to produce unpleasant thoughts . So if I had a very stressful day at work , I might go back home and say ‘ I hate this job , I can ’ t do this anymore !’ However , in a work situation , we could eventually choose to change jobs . But we don ’ t have that choice when we are caring for someone .
Caring for a child with special needs brings a cocktail of emotions - joy , love , happiness , sadness , grief , guilt , shame . Expressing feelings and thoughts when you feel angry , sad or tired doesn ’ t mean that you love your children more or less . It just means that you are a human being under a lot of pressure who is feeling overwhelmed and stressed .
The problem with not venting , and not even wanting to hear your own thoughts , is that you are depriving yourself to feel whatever you need to feel . You end up sending a message to yourself that it is not ok to feel that way , and you feel guilty or ashamed . In reality , we didn ’ t ask to be in this position - most of us didn ’ t have a choice . Even if we had the choice , it is a very difficult reality and it is healthy for us to express , in a contained and appropriate way , what we experience inside so we can keep our minds healthy .
I am fortunate enough to have a friend who unfortunately I don ’ t see often enough . But we text one another whenever we feel the need to vent .
For others grappling with this issue I suggest starting slow and with the small stuff . Write your thoughts down on a piece of paper if you can ’ t verbalise them . Talk to someone you trust and who would
understand and not judge you . Find a professional if necessary . The moment you let these thoughts and emotions out , you won ’ t feel intoxicated by them .
So open your mind gradually and start your mental de-cluttering . You will be surprised with how liberating it is . Venting and saying what you feel doesn ’ t define you as a person , it doesn ’ t mean that you love less or more the people you care for and it doesn ’ t mean you are being ungrateful . It just means that you are trying to de-clutter and throwing away stuff that is unhelpful . All those negative thoughts and feelings deprive us from experiencing life as a whole . They turn our skies into an eternal shade of grey .
Silvia Belo-Tomic is the mother of three children , including a daughter who has atypical cerebral palsy and a son with ADHD . Follow Silvia at www . facebook . com / VOICEforcarersofchildrenwith specialneeds
Wheelchair
accessible vehicles now available for hire
Our Kia Grand Carnival can accomodate the wheelchair occupant and 5 additional passengers in total safety and comfort .
1300 13 13 90 europcar . com . au linkonline . com . au issues
41