not engage with the phone as much . That day , we did great work and had many breakthroughs .
That evening , the three of us sat down to watch a beautiful sunset . Rather than interacting with us and enjoying the view , this teen was busy taking selfies and posting them . Her mother and I continued to connect and enjoy each other ’ s company . I noticed a shift in her attitude for the worse after her mother mentioned the teen ’ s lack of participation in our group activity . The next morning her daughter seemed to be in a bad mood and was complaining about being bored . When I asked her what she wanted to do , she had no ideas . I realized that there was an addiction going on with social media . The only thing she wanted to do was be connected to her phone . She has total meltdowns when her mother limits her phone .
I believe her guilt about being on the phone was upsetting her and she was acting out . The next day , I scheduled a ropes course , a team building activity in nature where the teen wouldn ’ t be able to have her phone . When they returned from the course , she had light in her eyes and was so excited . Her mother said she was a totally different person .
My third teen was very attached to her phone . Her mother felt her inability to be present with the family was becoming a problem . They were planning a boating trip , and she was not allowed to bring her phone . I asked the mother to observe her daughter and tell me about any changing behaviors . This is what she reported .
“ When we got to the boat , she went for a book and laid down on the bow to read . She then actually fell asleep and took a nap . Wow , that
I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery — air , mountains , trees , people . I thought , This is what it is to be happy .
– Sylvia Plath , The Bell Jar
would never happen at home ! There was a fatigue , a letting go , and a relaxation that couldn ’ t occur with the connection to technology . We have only been on the boat two days and she has been calmer , kinder and overall more pleasant . She is less concerned with her appearance . She wants to play board games and is reading more . She is swimming with curiosity about what ’ s below and spending time just on the dock . She wanted to buy a yoga mat to stretch on the dock when she saw me do it . She has been going to bed much earlier and her face looks more relaxed . She is more relaxed !”
Technology overuse and the ensuing disconnection it creates is a real and challenging issue . But the obvious question is : why are parents so afraid to limit cell phone use , especially when the benefits of not being engaged all the time are so positive for their children ’ s health and well being ? Limiting use will allow them to connect with others , with themselves , and enliven their innate curiosity and concern for the natural world around them . They deserve that healthy start and the perspective it brings .
Downsides of being connected to social media :
l Happiness becomes dependent on other ’ s approval and is difficult to sustain l Social media breeds a false sense of connection l It keeps us from being present in the moment l It diminishes real experience with the world and the people in it
Upsides to being in nature :
l It feeds our senses and our soul l It decreases depression l It aides in reading people ’ s emotions better l It promotes curiosity l It ’ s relaxing and breeds a sense of calm and well-being
28 IMAGINE l Fall 2016