Green Child Magazine Spring 2014 | Page 60

Getting Comfortable with “The Talk” children.” She also says to let kids know that while other people should never touch their private parts, they shouldn’t be touching anyone else’s either. If you haven’t started teaching your toddlers the proper names for their private parts, now is the time to do that, too. Using nicknames sends a message that there is something shameful or illegitimate about their private parts, as opposed to something they should embrace. “When you use anatomically correct names for their private areas right from the beginning, you've already started the conversation,” says Lang. Ages 3-5: First Questions When children are old enough to ask questions about how babies are made, “Parents should buck up and tell them,” says Lang. Though, she says it’s fine to keep the explanation simple and brief. Something like, “Babies come from inside mommy’s belly,” is enough to start. When kids ask follow-up questions like, “How does the baby get in there?” continue to keep the answers simple and direct. “Mommies have eggs, and daddies have sperm. When a sperm and an egg come together, it starts growing into a baby.” Let the child’s questions lead the conversation. Reading books together is a great way to answer some hard questions. Amazing You by Gail Saltz is a perfect book for parents to read with their preschoolers. With its simple text and color illustrations, it is an engaging way to open the door to talking about bodies. Age 5-8: Sex and Values 60 When kids reach kindergarten, and by age 7 at the latest, kids need to know about intercourse. That might seem early, but according to Lang, it isn’t too much for them to handle. “Adults come to the conversation with a different perspective than kids,” she says. “We know all the good and the bad stuff about sex. They don't. Little kids take in this information like they do everything else. We're the ones who bring discomfort, shame, or embarrassment to the sex talk party.” The sooner the better is Lang’s rule of thumb. “Bring it up before the ‘ooh-gross!’ factor kicks in. When they are young, they are just very open and not grossed out. That being said, it’s never too late.” What’s important is that discussions about intercourse are family-oriented. Other people shouldn’t talk to them about sex. Let your kids know what you believe to be true about sex, relationships, and your spirituality. Kids need to know where you stand and what your family values are when it comes to sex. Lang tells parents, “The key to great conversations with your kids is combining the facts with your values.” Other topics to bring up at this age are the “logistics” of what’s coming next in their development, such as different hygiene habits that accompany body changes and puberty. Talk about how to keep their bodies healthy when it comes to sexual development. Parents should not be thinking about when they’re going to have “The Talk” with their children, but instead how they can start opening a dialog about sex right now. No matter your child’s age, there are topics that can be broached. And the earlier you start, the easier the discussions go. Start now to turn one weighty talk into a dialog for life. As Lang tells parents, “No one has ever died from having conversations about sex and you won't either!”