Getting Comfortable with
“The Talk”
children.” She also says to let kids know that
while other people should never touch their
private parts, they shouldn’t be touching anyone
else’s either.
If you haven’t started teaching your toddlers the
proper names for their private parts, now is the
time to do that, too. Using nicknames sends a
message that there is something shameful or
illegitimate about their private parts, as opposed
to something they should embrace. “When you
use anatomically correct names for their private
areas right from the beginning, you've already
started the conversation,” says Lang.
Ages 3-5: First Questions
When children are old enough to ask questions
about how babies are made, “Parents should
buck up and tell them,” says Lang. Though, she
says it’s fine to keep the explanation simple and
brief. Something like, “Babies come from inside
mommy’s belly,” is enough to start. When kids
ask follow-up questions like, “How does the
baby get in there?” continue to keep the answers
simple and direct. “Mommies have eggs, and
daddies have sperm. When a sperm and an egg
come together, it starts growing into a baby.” Let
the child’s questions lead the conversation.
Reading books together is a great way to answer
some hard questions. Amazing You by Gail Saltz
is a perfect book for parents to read with their
preschoolers. With its simple text and color
illustrations, it is an engaging way to open the
door to talking about bodies.
Age 5-8: Sex and Values
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When kids reach kindergarten, and by age 7 at
the latest, kids need to know about intercourse.
That might seem early, but according to Lang, it
isn’t too much for them to handle. “Adults come
to the conversation with a different perspective
than kids,” she says. “We know all the good and
the bad stuff about sex. They don't. Little kids
take in this information like they do everything
else. We're the ones who bring discomfort,
shame, or embarrassment to the sex talk party.”
The sooner the better is Lang’s
rule of thumb. “Bring it up before
the ‘ooh-gross!’ factor kicks in.
When they are young, they are just very open
and not grossed out. That being said, it’s never
too late.” What’s important is that discussions
about intercourse are family-oriented. Other
people shouldn’t talk to them about sex.
Let your kids know what you believe to be true
about sex, relationships, and your spirituality.
Kids need to know where you stand and what
your family values are when it comes to sex.
Lang tells parents, “The key to great conversations with your kids is combining the facts with
your values.”
Other topics to bring up at this age are the
“logistics” of what’s coming next in their development, such as different hygiene habits that accompany body changes and puberty. Talk about
how to keep their bodies healthy when it comes
to sexual development.
Parents should not be thinking about when
they’re going to have “The Talk” with their
children, but instead how they can start opening
a dialog about sex right now. No matter your
child’s age, there are topics that can be broached.
And the earlier you start, the easier the discussions go. Start now to turn one weighty talk into
a dialog for life. As Lang tells parents, “No one
has ever died from having conversations about
sex and you won't either!”