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CALL ME MADAM
A mother went out shopping with her three little girls. The woman’s patience was wearing thin as all the girls called “mum, mum, mum” while she tried to shop. Agitated, she said, “I don’t want to hear the word mum for at least five minutes!” A few seconds later, one of her daughters tugged at her skirt and said, “Excuse me madam.”
WONDER WOMAN
I am a wonder woman I wonder where I left my keys I wonder where I put my phone I wonder how I put on weight I wonder where my money went I often wonder why I wonder
had happened to the bird, she opened the door. Out stepped the parrot, shivering and most pleasantly and politely he said “excuse my prior behavior, madam. I regret any dismay I may have caused you and promise never to use improper language again.” Well, the woman was thrilled to hear these promises and was about to say so when the bird interrupted to say “by the way, madam, what’s the chicken in for?
PERFECT MARRIAGE
Adam & Eve had the perfect marriage because he didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn’t have to hear about how well his mother cooked!
buys some paint, comes back to the church, and then he realizes that he didn’t buy enough paint for the job. He doesn’t feel like going back to the store, so he just adds some water to the paint. He looks at the church and decides he still doesn’t have enough, so he adds some more water. Deciding he has enough, he spends the whole day painting. That night, there’s a big rainstorm. When the priest wakes up, he finds that the rain has washed away all of his paint from the previous day. He prays, saying, “Lord God, what should I do?” He hears a voice in the sky, saying “REPAINT, AND THIN NO MORE!
LOCKED CAR DOOR
A woman received a phone call that her daughter was very sick. She got to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn’t know what to do, so she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man. She said, “My daughter is very sick and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you unlock my car?” He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, “Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man.” The man replied, “Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour.” The woman hugged the man again and cried out loud, “Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!”
ASK HIM
A Christian lady always took her Bible along with her during long journeys. One time she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was doing. A gFW"v???R?RGW&?VBF??W"?B6?VB( ??RF??( ?B&V??&V?WfR??F?B7GVfb??F?W&RF???S?( ?*F?R?G?&W?VB( ??b6?W'6R?F??B?2F?R&?&?R?( ?*?R6?B( ?vV??v?B&?WBF?BwW?F?Bv27v???vVB'?F?Bv??S?( ?*6?R&W?VB( ??????????W2?&V?WfRF?B??B?2??F?R&?&?R?( ?*?R6?VB( ?vV?????rF???R7W?6R?R7W'f?fVB??F?BF??R??6?FRF?Rv??S?( ?*F?R?G?6?B( ?vV???F??( ?B&V?????r?wVW72v?V??vWBF??VfV??v???6?????( ?*( ?v?B?b?R?6?( ?B???VfV??( ?F?R??6?VB6&67F?6???*( ?F?V???R6?6???? ( ?F?R?G?&W?VB?%TDR%$?@?v???vV?B??F?F?R??6?WB6??F?'W?'&?B?6?R6V?V7FVB&VWF?gV?&?&B?'WBF?RWB7F?&R?v?W"6?B?RF?F?( ?BF????6?^( ?B&R??v?F?F??2'F?7V?"'&?B&V6W6R?R?B&V???vVBF?6?G???B6???"v??W6VBfW'?&B??wVvR?6?R&W?VBF?B6?R??Wrv?F???fR?B6&R6?R6?V?B'&V?F?R&?&B?b??2&B?&?G2?vV???F?R&?&Bv2??BF?&R'&??V??b??2&?VR??wVvR?BF?Rv????BF???FR?????F?R7&R&VG&???WfW'?F??R6?R?Bf?6?F?'2?f???????FW7W&F???6?RF??BF?R&?&B6?Rv2v???rF?WB?????F?Rg&VW?W"f?"??WFW2WfW'?F??R?RW6VB&B??wVvR?7W&RV??Vv????W7B6?W?R?b??WFW2F?R&?&B?WB?WB7G&??r?b?'66V??F?W2?6?RWB?????F?Rg&VW?W"v?F????????W&??r?B?V???r??2?VB?fb?gFW"?W7B??WFR?"Gv??Bv?BfW'?V?WB?????g&?BF?B6??WF???r&@??D???????$P?&?W7BFV6?FW2F???B??26?W&6???Rv?W2?WB?@??t?dS?v?Bv?V?B??RF??b?F?VC?v?V?B??RvWB?'&?VBv????W6&?C??????v?fS?v????C?F??( ?B??R??R&V??r?'&?VC??W6&?C??b6?W'6R?F??v?fS?F?V?v??v?V?F?( ?B??R&V?''???W6&?C????????( ?BvWB?'&?VBv?????v?fS?v?V?B??R?fR???W"??W6Rv?F???W"?Wrv?fR??W6&?C??W2??N( ?2w&VB??W6R?v?fS?v?V?B??R?WB?W"G&?fR?6#??W6&?C??W2??N( ?2???7B?Wr?FV"?v?fS?v?V?B??Rv?fR?W"??WvV?'???W6&?C??????7W&R6?Rv?V?Bv?B?W"?v??v?fS?v?V?B6?RvV"?6??W3??W6&?C?????W"6??R?2( ?n( ?v?fS???6??V?6T?W6&?C?( ??????? ( ???t???U4$?E2d??BTU5D???2??c ??D?R4TTB?d??#R?????TuU5B#0???