Faith Filled Family Magazine September 2016 | Page 81

When you are married (and still
best friends and very much in
love) for 40+ years, people ask,
“How did you do this? What’s
your secret?” We don’t have any
secrets. But we’ve learned a lot
over the years—much of it after a
difficult conflict. And by difficult, I
mean ugly, painful moments that
stretched us and surely grieved
God. We wanted to share what
He taught us and believe it will
help others learn a better way to
deal with conflict.
How evenly matched were the
two of you when you married
to deal with the conflict you
experienced? What influences
played into that?

During our three-year courtship
there weren’t too many areas we
hadn’t discussed. But marriage
was a whole new ballgame.
There were issues like money
and sex to deal with that were
brand new. And just as often it
was the little things that got away
from us and created conflict. Big
or little issues, we weren’t very
prepared to deal with them. So
much of that can be attributed to
our experiences growing up. We
have great families, but we had
to “find our way” when it came to
understanding ways to disagree
without damaging the relationship — or one another.
I (Deb) came from a home

“Marriage is
a complex
relationship,
and there
are many
approaches to
protect, correct or resurrect it from the
potential ravages of conflict.”