Faith Filled Family Magazine September 2016 | Page 50

single fathers who feel they
have failed as a father? Why
should they continue to be a
part of their child’s/children’s
life?
Gosh. This is such painful territory. The impact in my life is…
well… it changes everything.
Divorce is like a bomb going off
in the middle of your life and then
you wake up in a strange, hostile wasteland with an outdated
map and a broken compass.
It’s confusing. It takes a while to
get your bearings and figure out
which direction you’re supposed
to go that will let you back in to
your own life.
I loved being present in the daily
life of my sons. It was my favorite thing about my life. All of that
looks dif ferent now, but they are
still my sons and I’m still their
dad. That will never change.
I think failure is a man’s biggest
fear. The story of the Fall in Genesis offers such a clear psychological profile of men and women
and what their core struggle is.
Psychologist Dan Allender boils
it down to this, most men fear
they are not enough while most
women fear they are too much
(when you read Genesis 1-3
through that lens, remarkable
insights rise to the surface). Most
men I know, especially divorced
men and single fathers, are very
vulnerable to the crippling inner
voice of shame that accuses
them of every real or imagined
failure until they shut down and
check out. Shame is hell’s greatest weapon against the human
heart, so our work is to bring all
of that again and again to Jesus
so that we don’t give up the place
He’s given us in the world.

Children need fathers, so it’s
work that we have to do. Some
days I do it better than others. It
takes time. It’s an imperfect science. But there is grace.
As a singer and single father,
how do you find time to spend
with your child? And you also
do “Camp duty” every July.
That is astonishing! ~ Tell us,
what is that like and why do
you choose to participate in
such?
For many years I tried to build
opportunities in my work for
us to work as a family. One of
those has been a Christmas tour
and another is Camp Shetek in
southwestern Minnesota. We all
have to work, but I’m grateful for
the ways I’ve been able to use
my work as a way to both spend
time with my sons and also provide them with unique and—I
hope—life-giving experiences.
Camp Shetek has especially
been a gift. The staff that runs it
are like family now and it’s been
such a positive place of belonging for both me and my sons. I
love it, too, because it’s a bit of
a detox for me personally. As
a restless thinker and doubting
believer it’s good for me to be
forced to reflect on and communicate the gospel in the simplest
of terms to campers of all ages,
especially the 2nd and 3rd graders.
You state that “Where the
Light” was birthed during your
darkest days. Can you elaborate on some details of such?
How did you get through such
a horrific season?
The same way that any of us get
through difficult seasons, one
step at a time and deciding each

day to get up and do the next
thing.
We all go through seasons of
sufferings, but during severe
hardships some view God as
impotent and blame Him for
such inexplicable pain. After
all, He is a God of love, mercy
and grace. What advice can
you give us in such times?
What should our response
be? And did there ever come
a time that you, Jason Gray,
became angry with God?
God’s not afraid of our anger.
He can take it. In fact, I believe
that what God desires most
is intimacy with us, and anger
is a part of intimacy. If I tiptoe
around God, afraid to tell him
how I really feel, there can be no
intimacy between us. I think he
prefers we bring all of us to Him,
especially the messy imperfect pieces. Denying our feelings isn’t helpful. I think that as
Christians we spend so much
time judging our feelings instead
of feeling them. We think we
should be grateful, or we should
be positive, so we never actually
feel our feelings. I believe God
gave us feelings to feel them
and that health looks like this;
“feel your feelings, then give it to
God.” The Bible doesn’t say “do
not be angry.” It says, “be angry,
but don’t sin.” And yes, I spend
many days angry with God, but
I think that is a sign of health in
my relationship with Him.
What advice would you give
to anyone who desires to
use their talents in singing to
become a Christian singer? Is
it necessary for them to seek
God before pursuing such a
career?
Ha! Is it necessary? As I con-