Healthcare Who said that health care in South Africa was not up to par ? A Muslim immigrant in Cape Town goes to the doctor and says : " I feel terrible ."
The doctor examines him and then says : " You need to pee and put your bowel movements in a bucket for a week , then throw in a dead fish and some rotten cabbage . Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapours for three days ."
The Muslim does this and goes back to the doctor 3 days later and says : " I feel wonderfull . What was wrong with me ?"
The doctor replied , " You were HomeSICK "
Lie clock As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates , he saw a huge wall of clocks behind St . Peter . He asked , " What are all those clocks for ?"
St . Peter answered , " Those are Lie-Clocks . Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock . Every time you lie , the hands on your clock move ."
" Oh ", said the man . " Whose clock is that ?" " That ' s Mother Teresa ' s ", replied St . Peter . " The hands have never moved , indicating that she never told a lie ." " Incredible ", said the man . " And whose clock is that one ?"
St . Peter responded , " That ' s Abraham Lincoln ' s clock . The hands have moved twice , telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life ."
" Where ' s Donald Trump ' s clock ?" asked the man . St . Peter replied , " We ' re using it as a ceiling fan ."
The Bull
I recently spent $ 1500.00 on a young registered Black Angus bull . I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn ' t even look at a cow . I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth . Anyhow , I had the Vet come and have a look at him . He said the bull was very healthy , but possibly just a little young , so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day . The bull started to service the cows within two days , all my cows ! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor ' s cows ! He ' s like a machine ! I don ' t know what was in the pill the Vet gave him
……...... but they taste a little like peppermint .