college connection
PROFESSIONALISM
FIVE FUNDAMENTALS OF CIVILITY: EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
right time demonstrate active listening.
Clarifying questions to understand the other’s
perspectives are signs of co-operative
listening. So are offering your opinions and
advice, but only if that is what your partner in
conversation is seeking.
Listen also to your inner voice tempting you to
interrupt. But silence it as well — until the right
moment. Good listening is purposeful work
and a great measure of civility.
Praise
The Spring issue of College Connection
provided an introduction to “The Five
Fundamentals of Civility for Physicians,” a
series of articles that examines the impact
of incivility to a profession and strategies
to foster civil behaviour. This article, written
by Dr. Michael Kaufmann, focuses on the
importance of demonstrating respect for
others and oneself.
Words are powerful. They can flay like whips.
When hastily chosen and self-serving, they
can hurt and discourage. On the other hand,
words that are well chosen, considerate
and timely can lift spirits, motivate, heal, and
connect us. At its core, civil communication
is courteous and respectful. I wonder why
this can be forgotten during the course of
veterinary training and practice?
Everyday Communication
We live in a time where social conventions
such as rules of etiquette, dress codes
and dining manners are relaxed, even
disappearing. It’s possible that rules for wellmannered conversation are relaxed as well.
Here are some common sense considerations
for civil conversation:
• Greet others warmly.
• Engage in conversation genuinely.
• Be inclusive.
• Draw upon your respect for others, as
discussed in “Fundamental #1: Respect
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Others and Yourself.”
• Maintain your integrity.
Two Kinds Of Silence
Silence can help or hinder civility in
communication. Active listening is the first
kind of silence. If communication is sending
and receiving information, then listening
is as important as speaking. Not talking in
key situations is the other, unhelpful, form of
silence. Communication withheld when it is
expected or needed, is a pernicious choice.
Listening
Imagine a time when you had a good
conversation with a colleague. You know it
was good because you came away feeling
positive, buoyed up, heard. Your partner really
listened. But how did you know that?
Well, they probably didn’t talk that much.
And they didn’t talk over you, or appear to
be waiting for an opening to punch through
with their own ideas. You were sure they were
paying attention. They faced you and didn’t
fidget. They set their phone aside. Pauses in
the conversation were comfortable spaces
that invited you to share more detail. And
when they did speak, it was to ask a question
that confirmed they were trying to understand.
Or maybe they had helpful comments to offer.
Planning to listen is a conscious choice
and a deliberate act. Silence is your tool.
Head nodding and similar gestures at the
I think many veterinarians find it difficult to
offer praise. We might think there is only one
way to perform — to the best of our ability.
We expect that from others almost as much
as we do from ourselves. So why compliment
someone for performing as we expect? A
well-deserved compliment is a considerate
act of support. Genuine praise strengthens
relationships and facilitates more difficult
conversations later. It is an act of civility.
If it crosses your mind that someone has done
a good job, then tell them so. And if someone
does the same for you, graciously accept the
compliment.
Giving Constructive Feedback
If it is a challenge to offer praise, then it’s
really tough to provide feedback. When
someone is under-performing, struggling,
distressing others and/or behaving in an
unprofessional manner, approaching them as
a friend, colleague or leader is a responsible
thing to do. There are many frameworks to
consider to giving constructive feedback.
Motivational interviewing (MI) is one.
MI is a strategy that offers sound principles
for effective communication with someone
who is resistant to change. A motivational
conversation is embedded in a collaborative
and supportive relationship. Unhelpful
strategies are also identified — often by
the colleague. This is known as developing
discrepancy.
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