Coffee Shop Goss Banora Point > Tugun - August 2015 | Page 18

FOCUS ON THE
FAMILY
When Your Spouse is Depressed
Here’s how you can help your loved one
out of the darkness of depression.
Tim and Sandra sit close together on their
porch swing, holding hands. It’s hard to
believe that less than a year ago, they’d
discussed selling their house, splitting their
possessions and sharing custody of their
three children. The couple explains that
a common but treatable illness nearly
destroyed their strong 12-year marriage.
“I remember the day it started,” Tim says.
“I walked into the kitchen one morning
and Sandy was just sitting on the floor.
She was still in her bathrobe, and her
eyes were swollen from crying.”
When Tim asked what was wrong, Sandra told him she honestly didn’t know.
Their lives were good. They weren’t struggling financially or having problems with
the kids. She knew there was no reason
to cry, yet the tears returned every morning from then on. Her concentration began to slip as well, leading to mistakes
that almost cost her a job she loved. Finally, Tim insisted she see a doctor.
“I sure didn’t like the diagnosis,” Sandra
explains, shaking her head. “I expected
him to give me vitamins or tell me not to
work so hard. I never anticipated what
he would actually suggest.”
After several tests, Sandra’s doctor told
her he believed she was suffering from
a depressive disorder. He explained
that our bodies need to maintain stable
levels of the chemical serotonin to
function normally — but the receptors in
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Sandra’s brain were
blocking its flow to
certain areas. When
he suggested she try
an
anti-depressant
drug to trigger proper
serotonin absorption,
she refused.
“I left his office feeling conflicted,” Sandra says. “Tim and I were both raised to
believe that true Christians were happy,
thankful people. I was convinced that
my misery was caused by a lack of faith,
not a medical condition. But truthfully,
I wasn’t sure which option scared me
more. I couldn’t even bring myself to tell
Tim that the doctor had called my mental health into question.”
Over the next few months, Sandra tried
to bury her secret — but her sorrow was
too pervasive to hide. Their frightened
children began asking what was wrong
with Mom.
In the meantime, Tim admits his concern
turned to frustration. “I’d ask again and
again what was wrong, but she never
had an answer,” he says. “Not only was
I aggravated by my feelings of helplessness, I was angry the life I’d worked so
hard to provide wasn’t enough to make
her happy.”
“And the more angry he got, the more
he’d withdraw from me,” Sandra adds.
“Then I’d feel guilty and withdraw even
more. We just kept drifting further apart.”
Despite her efforts to pray during that
time, Sandra admits she found it almost
impossible to muster the strength or the
words. She felt she was not only losing
her mind and her family, but now even
God had abandoned her.
to be continued....

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