Badassery Magazine Issue 8 January 2017 | Page 9

When I think of self-love , the first thing that comes to MY mind is my daughter . I remember when she was around five years old , right before she started kindergarten , I started to worry - how do I teach my daughter to love herself first and love herself unconditionally ? It was a worry that kept popping up in my head because I myself at that time was fighting my own battle with selflove and I was losing .

The person I am today vs the shell of a person I thought I was back then are VERY different . My now 19-year old daughter loves herself and KNOWS herself so very deeply that she shines an inspiring light to other young women her age and she amazes me every day . As I was learning how to love myself , I was teaching her the same . She saw me struggle and she witnessed my own growth . It ’ s important to recognize that just because the subject is LOVE , it doesn ’ t mean that the journey is all rainbows and pink fairies . It is a dark , lonely , sad and wretched journey peppered with reminders that the journey is WORTH IT and the light at the end of the tunnel is YOU .
Look at me now - you see a very confident , shiny , positive and successful entrepreneur who coaches other people to live a balanced and enlightened life . I had a great childhood and great parents . My kids are happy and well-adjusted . You wouldn ’ t know I spent so long on that dark , wretched journey of selfhate .
There is an equation here that unfortunately almost every woman has been a factor of at some point in her life - abuse . Sexual , physical , verbal , emotional , financial , gaslighting ... harm we cause ourselves with our thoughts and with dangerous situations we put ourselves in , it ’ s all abuse .
I was a factor in that equation , very early in my twenties . Experiencing abuse at any level can annihilate even a strong headed woman and I was already struggling emotionally at that time so I was mentally annihilated by it . But , with that being said , the worst abuse I have ever suffered is the abuse I served to myself through damaged thought and behavior patterns caused by the abuse . I literally beat myself up for years and years after .
It wasn ’ t until about 10 years ago when I started referring to my “ journey ” as my “ evolution ” instead . I didn ’ t want my life experiences to be my journey , my journey was shit . It was horrible , I lacked all of the “ selfs ” - selflove , self-respect , VALUE of one ’ s self , self-esteem and pretty much all of the rest of them
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