Badassery Magazine Issue 11 April 2017 | Page 33

T he first time I died I was 7. You sat on your front steps Legs spread Dead eyes staring at me As you said Oops, my peenie fell out. around your ankles Saying, Look what you did. As if your erection was my Responsibility. The check you wrote Folded in my jacket pocket. But pussy has 9 lives. But pussy has 9 lives. The fifth time I died I was 21. You were on top of me, heavy, unmovable, Breathing hotly in my ear, You’ve never said no to me be- fore. The eighth time I died I was 35. No one could see the evidence Silent treatments leave no marks Insults leave no marks Denigration leaves no marks Orders leave no marks Isolation leaves no marks Control leaves no marks Emotional abandonment leaves no marks Misogyny leaves no marks. The second time I died I was 13. You looked at me too long Held the hug too close I told my mom you made me uncomfortable Her dismissive reply, Oh, he’d never! But pussy has 9 lives. The third time I died I was 16. You were 28. A man among boys You left me after one night, scarred And with an STD. But pussy has 9 lives. The fourth time I died I was 20. You sat on the couch, pants But pussy has 9 lives. The sixth time I died I was 21. You pushed me The skin of my open palms Left on the asphalt. But pussy has 9 lives. But Pussy has 9 lives. I have one left and it is mine. But pussy has 9 lives.  The seventh time I died I was 23. The small table, bright lights, unfamiliar faces My hands clammy as the cold speculum spread me The whir of the machine tugging at my insides About the Author Jessica Johnson is a freelance journalist, blogger, and poet who writes for and about passionate people following their dreams. She has two blogs: vinegar and vanilla where she blogs about her journey as a writer and enCOURAGEr of other women who want to give life to their dreams and live a life of bravery and purpose, and Dreams in French where she brings you a taste of French joie de vivre (a zest for life!) no matter where in the world you are. jessicajanisjohnson.com vinegarandvanilla.com    32