Flammable “
, inflammable ... and non-inflammable . What are there three ? Don ’ t you think two words ought to be able to handle that idea ? I mean either the thing flams or it doesn ’ t flam ...” - George Carlin
The incomparable George Carlin , providing his take on the surprising , confusing , delightful and frustrating mélange that is the English language .
( Eagle-eyed readers will note the irony of using a French word to describe the English language . As you will see ... it ’ s quite apropos .)
Ladies , gentlemen and assorted lifeforms , the English language is certainly an odd beast n ’ est pas ? It ’ s not something we think about much , but for those learning English for the first time , it must seem like the creators of our modern tongue had been drunk when they created some of the words and - heaven help us all - grammar rules that codify our communication .
Just to illustrate what I mean , we ’ re talking about a language where this is a grammatically correct sentence :
“ Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo .”
Grammarians must be mad as a brush , surely .
Still stumped in that one ? Unraveling the linguistic legerdemain in this sentence relies on the understanding the three forms of the word ‘ buffalo :’ an animal , a city in new York , and a verb in English , meaning to trick or fool someone . Here it is in a clearer form :
“ New York bison [ that are ] tricked [ by other ] New York bison [ also themselves ] trick [ other ] New York bison .”
Now I realize a sentence like this is not really very common - I only use it once or twice a week myself - but imagine someone learning English for the first time coming across this idiomatic idiocy ? Harrowing .
It ’ s not just oddball sentences involving furry quadrupeds that trip people up . Even our everyday words , phrases and sentences can become minefields of confusion . Take this gem for example :
“ We don ’ t know what we don ’ t know , and we can ’ t look up what we don ’ t know when we don ’ t know what to look up .”
You see what I mean ... or perhaps you don ’ t , and that really is the point . The language is complex , unintuitive , completely mad , and
filled with nonsensical constructions just like that .
Alright , now let ’ s look at another example , this time illustrating our apparent inability to decide on a single pronunciation :
“ A rough-coated , dough-faced , thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough ; after falling into a slough , he coughed and hiccoughed .”
This sentence is made possible by the NINE different pronunciations of the letter group “ OUGH .” Nine ! Some grammarians point to this as an example of tremendous versatility of the letter group , but it looks more like someone missed a memo ... or several of them .
So how , you may ask , did English get this way ? How did we get to a place where you can be disgruntled but never gruntled ? Overwhelmed , underwhelmed , but never just ... whelmed ?
I ’ ve always imagined the English language to be a lot like the country which I call home and
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