Apricity Press Issue 2 March 2017 - Page 35

PETUNIA RICKY GARNI

I always thought it was “Petulia Clark”

but it was “Petula Clark.” Fifty years of

saying “Petulia” makes me feel as though

Petula Clark did something unforgivable

to me. Think of all those people to whom

I once said: “Why don’t we go listen to

DOWNTOWN, by Petulia Clark?” How

embarrassing! As though I listened to

petunias. On the other hand, all the kids

thought I was great and thought I was cool

when they heard that great song DOWNTOWN

by Petulia Clark and then I got them frosty cookies

and Hawaiian Punch in Dixie Cups from the third

drawer in the butler’s pantry NO: we didn’t have

a real butler. But sometimes I had dreams of butlers.

They were always naked and smiling and offering things

from the pantry to others who sat near the record player

who were usually naked.