365ink #289 April 20–May 3, 2017 - Page 41

Columnists  ARIES (MAR 21–APR 19) Success and good fortune aren’t really options for you, but you can watch the commercials for them. Along with a sense of optimism, feel free to also fantasize about finding other things you’ve never expressed any interest in trying to have, like a good haircut or self-awareness. TAURUS (APR 20–MAY 20) All sorts of changes and surprises lie in store for you as soon as you take the big leap into a giant pit of snakes you’ve been thinking about. You may receive information from an associate that radically changes your short-term plans and replaces them with an ulcer. GEMINI (MAY 21–JUNE 20) A trip may be in order, or you could have a visitor, or you could be 60% tumor already and not even know it. If you can accept the plans of what you only assume can be a vengeful and rage-filled overlord with your usual good humor, you’ll be winner. CANCER (JUNE 21–JULY 22) With the issue of money being highlighted recently in your life, try to find a way to borrow large amounts of untraceable cash from people who you are sure will be knocked off by the mob before significant interest (“points”) can accumulate on the amount you owe. You can expect to spend a lot of time with the calculator as you attempt to repurpose the electronics inside as a weapon. LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22) Even if you don’t consider yourself particularly good with people, take comfort in the fact that people don’t consider you at all. You will do a great job at whatever it is you set your mind to, and success is only a matter of making sure your aspirations are contained in the self- referential fan fiction of your own life you’ve been working on. VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22) An unexpected windfall o bv@f'GVR6VB6RW"v6bP7FBV"V"FW'6V7FBV@FRVVVG2&WBvFWv( B&RW g&VB7V67V"FW"6&Bw&VRF&P6G&VBFRf&b6FWB&rĔ%$4U#>( 45B#"R7FBBFR&V66Rb66FW&7FvFV֖B'WBR67FBFW&R&VV&W&rFBFRRFVvB@v2F&WVBRRV&B6VPgVW"FRFVvWFW"^( &RF6Fr&W2vgB"7W'&6Rv6RGF6'VFvW@W"fW7FVBFVFWfvV'v6Vǒ44%5B#>( 4b#W"v&ֆV'FVBGW&R26W'fV@RvVFW7FRWfW"&VrFW7FVB'FRG'Vǐ6RWFW&ǒVW72"67Vǒ7FW&6VRv&FRV'FF2VƗGW2Pw&VBvW"bW"ƖfR2BW7G26FR'V&&RbUGV&RfFV2vW&R&'2F7G&vǒVFw2vFFV"w2Bf6R4tED$U0b#.( 4DT2#66RR6FfFRB7&P6v&W'27F'BvBBf6VBW&6pFBvVWBG2v666W6FRf&&VVFrR&R&V6v旦VBf"W VFW'6&ƗFW2B6FGFGVFRFRW@6Ww6WGFW"FBv&RGVBWW "FǒW"6֖"FFB`'F&V&vF4$4$ࢄDT2#.( 4RfRBF6VV'&FR6F( @f&vWBF&Wv&BW'6Vb'G&涖rFV67&VW"FVWFrW'6Vbg&66VF@fǒ67&rFRVFVB7F26fW'v&Pg&FR&GFbW"F6v6W"T$U0#( 4dT"W7B&V6W6RR&VvBW6PFW6( BVRVVBvRbvW&PWfW'BvvFRWBFRR6Vvw2R7W&RBFFBFR6Rv^( BR7F"g'77V֖r^( BR7F"g'7FVB`W7BVFr&RVB6&f"WfW'V44U0dT"( 4"#vWFW"R7VBFFvFW"fVWBFRw&VB"W"VBFP6VG2&VV&W"FBVfrW"֖G6V7FVf"FVFwWGFr2vBvFFVW"vVVVB"7V66VVBƗfrWB'&"fRb^( &RVvW"@VFW67F2&WBW"ƖfRF&V7Fv@Fw2vVFFW"VRB^( 7FvBFV"ƗfW2F&Rv'6RFW'2ET%UTS3cR4Є77VR3#(4&#( 42#~(33cTt^(46V7G>(>(3C