365ink #289 April 20–May 3, 2017 - Page 3

Last week during paper deliveries, I stopped at one of our bigger distribu- tion spots to check and see that a new delivery driver was filling the racks like I want them to be. Hey, I’m picky, okay! As is ever the case, I was listening to a book on my Bluetooth headphones as I went in with extra papers to correct the situ- ation. As I was reorganizing the second rack at the store (yes we have two dis- tribution points in one store), my book fuzzed out. It happens when I get too far from my phone. I must have left it in the dashboard and finally got too far away. Realizing I didn’t have my phone, I went to the car to get it to take pic- tures of the racks so the driver could see how I want it done. It wasn’t there. I went back in the store. Luckily, I can just click the button on my headphone and it will reconnect to the phone when I’m in range. But it did not connect. I stopped a very nice lady who called my number for me. It went straight to voicemail. I immediately knew what happened. Someone stole my phone. I must have set it down by the first rack when I was rearranging it. When the headphones fuzzed out during filling rack 2, I was actually hearing my phone walk away. Why is it that when you do something dumb like setting down your phone, the first person to find it has to be a piece of human garbage? The store was very nice and said they’d check the surveillance video later that night. The Verizon store a block away helped me lock down the phone remotely from their store and it was then useless to whoever took it. So basically they have a worthless paper weight. The phone has “Find My iPhone,” so if they ever turn it back on, it will tell me right where it is. Naturally, two hours later the thief did just that. I got an automated e-mail and Apple told me exactly where the phone now was in downtown Dubuque. They gave me the damned address! I had already done the police report. I even had a new iPhone already with my old number live on it and all my contacts and content backed up and loaded to the new phone. Thanks to the fact that we have a photo gallery in every issue of 365ink, I have to download all the photos I save to my phone every two weeks, so I had just downloaded all my photos three days prior to the theft and didn’t lose any memories. That would have been the only real loss. I reported the address of the phone to the police. In anger, I also published the address on Facebook. Wow. Who knew the power of Facebook. It’s like pool of salivating super-sleuths waiting to start the investigation. Within minutes multiple people knew exactly who lived at that address and assured me without any doubt in their minds “yeah, that guy would totally steal your phone.” So now I know exactly who stole my phone. But alas, that is not how justice works. The police visited the house, but naturally the “boys aren’t home right now.” I never heard any follow up from the store or the police after that. I took the address off Facebook pretty quickly because people were starting to get all vigilante on my behalf, offering to go over and get it themselves. I didn’t want anyone getting hurt over a stupid phone. Now I’m supposed to be able to wipe all the data from my phone remotely. This is a safety thing, But if I do that, it also makes the phone like a new phone and the wasteoid who took it could then use it or sell it. So I’m not going to do that. I’m out the $400 it took me to get set-up with my new phone (phone insurance is a joke). Yeah, I’m still pissed. But I still know who took my phone. So I’ll just sit on that info and let it stew. Comeuppance is a bitch, my friend. The upside of all this is that I have the latest, greatest new iPhone. The down side is that the new iPhone doesn’t have a headphone jack. Yeah, it has an adaptor, but that’s a pain in the butt, too. There’s something to be said for NOT always being on the bleeding edge of technology. Although this did force me to learn that Audible books actually stream liv e from the web on my laptop and automatically know where I stopped listening on my phone and pick it up there. So that’s cool. What’s the moral to the story? Well, I guess even when you know who the bad guy is, sometimes you just have to sit back and watch evil prevail. And here you thought I was going to get through a whole column without referencing President Dumbass. Maybe next time. n