CREDIT
Galasso explains that children eventually come to an understanding that
their special-needs siblings may have
needs that are greater than their own,
but they “keep track in an emotional
bank account. It is an equity program
of sorts. Parents who are the most
successful dedicate time to their typical child/children on a regular basis.
Then there is enough built up in the
emotional bank account for the times
when they need to devote additional
time to the special needs child.”
One Bergen County mother who
has teen-aged twins confided that her
son has expressed concern that, ultimately, it will be his responsibility to
take care of his sister, who has some
special needs. Galasso and Swartz say
that this is a common concern of siblings. Galasso states, “When children
are younger, they may have intense
feelings of responsibility to protect
their siblings from bullying. When
they are in their late teens and early
adulthood, they may feel the responsibility for taking care of their siblings
later in life.” Swartz emphasizes, “It is
important to help them understand
that there will be a plan in place and
a strong support system.” In the
meantime, Swartz suggests asking a
child what they want to do to help
their special needs sibling-“for example, a special playtime for teaching
them social skills, or teaching them
how to brush their teeth. However,
parents have to understand if children
do not want to do any of these
things.”
Shame and embarrassment over a
sibling can cause feelings of guilt.
Galasso relates, “If a special needs sibling has facial tics or erratic behavior,
the typical sibling will likely get asked
questions or sometimes, get made
fun of.” Swartz advises parents to
“educate the neurotypical siblings and
empower them to be able to talk to
their peers about what is happening
with their sibling.”
One Cresskill mother of two finds
that her children really enjoy seeing
each other at school. Her son, who has
been in the inclusion program at the
public school since aged 3, says “hi” to
everyone and is well-known around
school. “He is like the mayor,” she
adds. His older sister tells her, “I’m
popular because of him.” This is comforting to the parent who realizes that
her daughter has to make a lot of
concessions due to her brother’s
behavioral issues. For example, she
can’t always have her mother attend
after-school activities or entertain
play-dates because of the brother’s
behavioral issues.
Galasso notes that neurotypical
siblings are “put in a really unique
position and are often fast-tracked to
develop such traits as compassion,
patience and loyalty. These can affect
their career choice and future development.” The older sister who feels
popular because everyone knows her
brother has gone out of her way to
befriend a new classmate with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
(ADHD), who initially had trouble
making friends. The young girl and
her friend took it upon themselves to
make sure that he was never alone
at recess.
Sometimes, siblings find something
to connect them, such as athletic
events for kids with developmental
disabilities. Galasso relayed the story
of a child with cerebral palsy who
enters Spartan races. He has completed six races, and his sister does the
obstacle course for him. The two
developed a bond when they were
facing a tangible obstacle together. ❖
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