(201) Special Parent 2016 Edition | Page 37

CREDIT Galasso explains that children eventually come to an understanding that their special-needs siblings may have needs that are greater than their own, but they “keep track in an emotional bank account. It is an equity program of sorts. Parents who are the most successful dedicate time to their typical child/children on a regular basis. Then there is enough built up in the emotional bank account for the times when they need to devote additional time to the special needs child.” One Bergen County mother who has teen-aged twins confided that her son has expressed concern that, ultimately, it will be his responsibility to take care of his sister, who has some special needs. Galasso and Swartz say that this is a common concern of siblings. Galasso states, “When children are younger, they may have intense feelings of responsibility to protect their siblings from bullying. When they are in their late teens and early adulthood, they may feel the responsibility for taking care of their siblings later in life.” Swartz emphasizes, “It is important to help them understand that there will be a plan in place and a strong support system.” In the meantime, Swartz suggests asking a child what they want to do to help their special needs sibling-“for example, a special playtime for teaching them social skills, or teaching them how to brush their teeth. However, parents have to understand if children do not want to do any of these things.” Shame and embarrassment over a sibling can cause feelings of guilt. Galasso relates, “If a special needs sibling has facial tics or erratic behavior, the typical sibling will likely get asked questions or sometimes, get made fun of.” Swartz advises parents to “educate the neurotypical siblings and empower them to be able to talk to their peers about what is happening with their sibling.” One Cresskill mother of two finds that her children really enjoy seeing each other at school. Her son, who has been in the inclusion program at the public school since aged 3, says “hi” to everyone and is well-known around school. “He is like the mayor,” she adds. His older sister tells her, “I’m popular because of him.” This is comforting to the parent who realizes that her daughter has to make a lot of concessions due to her brother’s behavioral issues. For example, she can’t always have her mother attend after-school activities or entertain play-dates because of the brother’s behavioral issues. Galasso notes that neurotypical siblings are “put in a really unique position and are often fast-tracked to develop such traits as compassion, patience and loyalty. These can affect their career choice and future development.” The older sister who feels popular because everyone knows her brother has gone out of her way to befriend a new classmate with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), who initially had trouble making friends. The young girl and her friend took it upon themselves to make sure that he was never alone at recess. Sometimes, siblings find something to connect them, such as athletic events for kids with developmental disabilities. Galasso relayed the story of a child with cerebral palsy who enters Spartan races. He has completed six races, and his sister does the obstacle course for him. The two developed a bond when they were facing a tangible obstacle together. ❖ 2 0 1 6 E D I T I O N | S P E C I A L PA R E N T 35