14 April.pdf April 2014 | Page 102

® Three women, two younger, one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. One of the young women pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questionly. “That was my pager.” She said. “I hava a microchip under the skin of my arm.” A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear and started talking softly. When she finished she explained, “That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.” The older woman felt very low tech. Not to be outdone she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her. The older women finally said, “Well, will you look at that. I’m getting a fax.” *** Nine Months Later John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John’s minivan and headed north. After driving a few hours, the got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered her door if they could spend the night. “I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,” she explained. “I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.” “Don’t worry,” John said. “We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if this weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.” The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing, but about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, “Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about nine months ago?” “Yes, I do.” Said Keith. “Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?” “Well, um, yes!” Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out. “I have to admit that I did.” “And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?” Keith’s face turned beet red and he said, “Yeah, look, I’m sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did. Why do you ask?” “She just died and left me everything.” *** 102 Wide Open An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, “Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.” The priest replied, “That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.” “There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.” The priest said, “That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you p