®
Three women, two younger, one senior citizen,
were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a
beeping sound. One of the young women pressed
her forearm and the beep stopped. The others
looked at her questionly.
“That was my pager.” She said. “I hava a microchip under the skin of my arm.”
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second
young woman lifted her palm to her ear and started
talking softly. When she finished she explained, “That
was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my
hand.”
The older woman felt very low tech. Not to be
outdone she decided she had to do something just
as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and
went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of
toilet paper hanging from her rear end. The others
raised their eyebrows and stared at her.
The older women finally said, “Well, will you look
at that. I’m getting a fax.”
***
Nine Months Later
John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So
they loaded up John’s minivan and headed north.
After driving a few hours, the got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and
asked the attractive lady who answered her door if
they could spend the night.
“I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have
this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,” she explained. “I’m afraid the neighbors will
talk if I let you stay in my house.”
“Don’t worry,” John said. “We’ll be happy to sleep
in the barn. And if this weather breaks, we’ll be gone
at first light.” The lady agreed, and the two men
found their way to the barn and settled in for the
night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared and they
got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of
skiing, but about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few
minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that
it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he
had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked,
“Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow
from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up
north about nine months ago?”
“Yes, I do.” Said Keith.
“Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the
night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?”
“Well, um, yes!” Keith said, a little embarrassed
about being found out. “I have to admit that I did.”
“And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?”
Keith’s face turned beet red and he said, “Yeah,
look, I’m sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did. Why do you
ask?”
“She just died and left me everything.”
***
102 Wide Open
An elderly Italian man
who lived on the outskirts of Rimini,
Italy went to the local church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, “Father, during World War II, a beautiful
Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on
my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her
in my attic.”
The priest replied, “That was a wonderful thing you did,
and you have no need to confess that.”
“There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with
sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and
sometimes twice on Sundays.”
The priest said, “That was a long time ago and by doing
what you did, you p