the RELATIONSHIP dance
WITH VICKI MINERVA
Holidays… the emotional aftermath
A
s difficult as the holidays are
famed to be, I’ve found that
many hold it together through
December and struggle more once
the New Year comes. For some, the
decision to divorce may have waited
until after the holidays. For others,
it’s the fallout of an emotional time
with (or without) the family. It may
be the “first” holiday without a loved
one from death or divorce. Having
survived the end of the year, the
realities are tough once you’ve turned
the corner into January.
The holiday stresses can be com-
pounded for those who suffer with
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
This is a type of depression that
occurs as daylight shortens creating a
predictable seasonal pattern in winter.
It can make for a perfect storm when
hol iday stress or drama hits at a time
when you’re already vulnerable.
There are many types of
depression: Major Depression, Chronic
Depression, situational depression
or Seasonal Affective Disorder, each
having a pattern of its own. I can’t
adequately cover them here, but I
think it important to understand some
basic things whether it’s for yourself,
or someone you love.
Symptoms include:
• Difficulty concentrating (can be
significant)
• Fatigue, decreased energy
• Feeling pessimistic or hopeless
• Feeling guilty, worthless, helpless,
poor self esteem
• Insomnia, typically early morning
waking or over sleeping
• Irritability
• Persistent feelings of sadness,
anxiety or emptiness
• Loss of interest in things you once
enjoyed
• Overeating or loss of appetite
• Physical complaints-feeling achy,
headaches, or digestive problems
• Thoughts or attempts at suicide
There’s a helpful video, “I had a Black
Dog, his Name was Depression,” which
illustrates what it’s like on YouTube.
Everyone has down days. The severity
of the feeling and the duration (lasting 2
weeks or longer) makes this different than
the sadness or discouragement common
to all of us. There is a biological (some-
times hereditary) component that moves
it to a different place. This is a physical
thing that affects the brain and therefore
mood. It’s a disease that crosses ages,
genders, socioeconomic status, and races.
Contrary to the opinion of some, this
is not a character defect. It’s a real disease.
The brain is an organ, affected by many
environmental and chemical factors.
Others may say things like “Snap out of it”
because they want you to feel better but
don’t know what you’re dealing with, or
how to help. They may hope tough love
will turn things around, but it’s not help-
ful and in fact, it can make things worse.
If it was that easy, you’d have dealt with it
a long time ago.
If you or a loved one are struggling
with these symptoms, there are some
things which you can do to do to improve
your mood. First see your doctor to make
sure there isn’t a physical cause (thyroid
problems, Vitamin D deficiency, hormonal
issues, or other things which might have
depression as a symptom).
From there, go back to the basics.
Start moving. Physical exercise can be as
efficient as medication for some people.
Pay attention to your sleep patterns and
implement good “sleep hygiene” (google
it for more information). Eat healthy. Cut
the junk food and alcohol consumption.
Edit your schedule to reduce stressors.
Get outside.
Notice what you say in your head.
My guess is that there are some con-
demning comments you make to your-
self. These are words you’d never say
to someone you care about because it
would be too hurtful. Once you have
noticed what you’re saying, begin to
gently say to yourself, “Don’t go there.”
How you think affects how you feel.
You may need the help of a professional
to identify some of the negative beliefs
and patterns that push you down.
Medication may be needed for some.
It isn’t the first line of defense, and
there are those who have a distrust
of pharmaceuticals, but it can make a
difference that helps with bringing back
a level of resiliency that helps in treating
depression. Be prepared—finding the
right medication for you may take a few
tries as it is highly personal how people
respond to any given medication.
I am concerned about the isolation
that often comes with depression. The
National Alliance on Mental Health
(NAMI) has a host of information and
support at nami.org/# that can help link
you to resources and people who under-
stand. Stay connected to your support
systems. Connect with your spiritual
disciplines to help find hope and peace
in the midst of your suffering. See a
therapist or your doctor.
Don’t Give Up!
Vicki Minerva has lived
and worked in the
South County area as
a Marriage and Family
Therapist for over 35
years. She and her
husband George raised
two beautiful daughters
with the help of the vil-
lage here. Her education
includes a M.Div. degree
from Fuller Seminary and
a M.A. in Marriage, Family Counseling from
Santa Clara University. You can contact her
at 408.848.8793 or visit her website at
vickiminerva.com
My goal is to provide you with some information and help you access tools that will help you live your life and manage your
relationships in healthier ways. This information is not a substitute for personal counseling and should not be taken out of context.
There are many reputable therapists in the South County area should you need additional help.
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GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2017
gmhtoday.com