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AGING
with an
Attitude
They DO
Remember!
Dorie Sugay is the Executive Director
of Visiting Angels, a company that
provides living-assistance services to
seniors and adults-in-need who wish
to stay in their own home or receive
one-on-one care within a facility.
This article is for informational and
educational purposes only. It was
written independently of Visiting
Angels. The names of clients and
caregivers were changed to
protect their privacy.
80
M
aya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that
people will forget what you said, people
will forget what you did, but people
will never forget how you made them feel.” There
was a time when people believed this to be untrue
for those with Alzheimer’s; after all, their memory
is impaired. But since then, experts have come to
realize that those with Alzheimer’s DO remember
certain things rather well. They remember how an
experience made them feel, they remember how you
made them feel.
In the journal Cognitive and Behavioral
Neurology, a study group published an interesting
conclusion to a study they conducted. They showed
two films to individuals with Alzheimer’s: one film
was sad, the other film was happy. They then tested
the individuals to assess how much they remembered.
As you might guess – most, especially those in
the middle to late stages of Alzheimer’s, did not
remember much about the films. They did, how-
ever, remember how the films made them feel. Lead
author Edmarie Guzman-Velez, of the Department
of Psychology at the University of Iowa in Iowa
City, said: “Our study highlights the fact that actions
towards patients with Alzheimer’s disease have
consequences, even when the patients do not appear
to remember the actions. In fact, actions may have a
lasting impact on how the patients feel.”
The study revealed that an individual with
Alzheimer’s might not remember abuse experienced
at the hands of another individual, but their feelings
for the abuser, for example, lingered, their negative
reaction towards someone might have significant
meaning.
So how can you use this information if you
have a loved one who is challenged by Alzheimer’s?
First – remind yourself that they may no longer
intellectually process information the way you do,
but they can still gather “emotional data.” Thoughts
that could go through the mind of someone in the
mid to advanced stages of Alzheimer’s for example,
may include: “My daughter really loves me” or “My
daughter thinks I am a burden” or “My son doesn’t
really even know I exist” or “My son is present for
me.” When you visit but your eyes are glued to your
cell phone, they feel your mental absence. Frankly
you are better off visiting for a short period of time
and being present than hanging around for an hour
but not really engaging with them. Their brains may
no longer work like yours does, but their radar for
how people feel about them or the current situation
works just fine.
Visiting Angels had a client named Carrie who
would get ornery when a caregiver named Amelia
was present. Interestingly enough, when her other
caregiver named Elisa took over, she was more
cooperative, she was happier. The Care Specialist
finally figured out that Amelia merely tolerated
GILROY • MORGAN HILL • SAN MARTIN
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2017
Carrie and it showed, whereas Elisa was very caring
and actually enjoyed being around Carrie and it
showed in her actions. In fact, when Elisa figured
out that Carrie liked to sing, she brought her
karaoke, and got Carrie to sing with her—they had
a party! But if you ask Carrie what she did, many
times she would forget and say something like, “I
don’t remember, but we had fun, we laughed.” She
could not remember that they sang on the karaoke,
but she remembered how good she felt, how much
fun she had. Long after the memory was buried, she
would crack a smile when she thought of having fun
with Elisa.
It is very difficult to care for a family member
with Alzheimer’s and it is not uncommon for family
members to lose their patience, or find themselves
resentful. If you are worried about a bad experience
your loved one had with you, don’t despair. Yes,
they will initially remember the sadness or anger,
but there is hope!
Researchers have found that we use two different
ways to forget bad memories: suppression and/
or substitution. Our ability to rid ourselves of
painful memories is believed to involve some sort of
teamwork effort between the brain’s amygdala and
the prefrontal cortex. But the amygdala is affected
when Alzheimer’s disease is present. Because of
the damage to the brain, the Alzheimer sufferer
won’t necessarily be able to suppress bad me