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Doug Dangerous
Dog Debacle
by Nickolas Galendez
Doug, one of the best 90’s Nickelodeon cartoons, focuses on the self-narrated story of Doug Funnie, an awkward young boy from the town of Bluffington who writes in his journal about things that happen in his life. With the help of Skeeter Valentine, his best friend; Patti Mayonnaise, his long-time crush; and Porkchop, his trusty canine sidekick, Doug always ends up learning a valuable lesson and each episode typically ends in a “moral of the story” type of way.
In Doug’s Christmas Story, Doug and his friends are playing ice hockey (with a pine cone) on a frozen lake. (Apparently, neither Doug nor Skeeter could afford a real hockey stick, so they are using a rake and a broomstick, respectively.) The hockey “puck” eventually ends up sliding to a complete stop next to thin ice, and Beebe Bluff casually skates over to pick it up. Unaware of the imminent danger, Beebe grabs the pine cone as the ice around her starts cracking more and more. Suddenly, Porkchop lunges at Beebe, bites her left leg, knocks her to the ground, and drags her across the frozen surface with his powerful jaws and teeth.
Word of Porkchop’s attack spreads quickly around Bluffington. Later that day, Doug returns home only to find a mob of angry citizens, police officers, and the local media waiting outside. Porkchop, now viewed as a “brutal, trained, killing machine” that should be “put away for good,” is hauled away to the City Dog Pound on a leash, in handcuffs, and with a muzzle around his snout. To make matters worse, Doug learns that the Bluffs are pressing charges.
At Porkchop’s trial, a “dog psychologist” (wearing a white lab coat with dog bones stuffed in his pockets, obviously) testifies that Porkchop has “possible killer tendencies.”
Doug and all other fictional characters mentioned are property of Nickolodeaon Studios.
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