Wheaton College Alumni Magazine Spring 2013 | Page 47

PUBLISHEDalumni
The Sacrament of Friendship
As a student, this alumnus made friends for a lifetime.
by Steve Hoke ’71, M.A. ’72

Steve Hoke ’71, M.A.’72 has served with Church Resource
Ministries since 1991 as a leader development specialist
and strategic life coach with mission leaders globally.
He claims he made his worst mistakes in friendships at
Wheaton, but his friends have been forgiving. Co-author with
Bill Taylor of The Global Mission Handbook: Your Guide to
Crosscultural Service (InterVarsity Press, 2009), Steve lives
in Ft. Collins, Colorado, with his wife, Eloise.

t

wo months before entering Wheaton
in 1967, my older brother Don offered
the best advice I received for navigating
college. Concerned that I might never
emerge from Centennial Gym, he told
me: “College is too important to get
locked into only knowing one group
on campus. Choose wisely the type of
people with whom you want to spend
the rest of your life.”

En route to my recent 40th class
reunion, I read my friend Dr. Jerry
Root’s new book, The Sacrament of
Evangelism, but was unfamiliar with his
use of the word sacrament. An associate
professor of evangelism, Jerry explained
that a sacrament is “recognizing God at
work, where he is present and dispensing
grace.” Jerry’s insight gave me a
sacramental perspective on one of God’s
great gifts in my life—friendships.
At that reunion, I came to appreciate
the “sacrament of friendship” I had
been enjoying for more than 40 years.
I realized that friendships are not only
a gift of God with powerful spiritual
significance, but also that in sustaining
Christian friendships, we minister
God’s grace to one another. The
reunion rhythm of fellowship and
greeting, surrounded by friends who
have nourished me for decades,
transformed into a deeply spiritual
experience. I had new eyes for why
I have returned for my class reunions
every five years since 1971.
Since that 40th reunion, I’ve reflected
on what I wish I had known as an
undergrad about friendship:
Choose your friends carefully
and intentionally. The goal is not

to draw lines that exclude others, but
to be proactive in pursuing the
people you want to know, those who
could enrich your life with their
differences and offer something you
need. In being intentional, however,
be open to receiving the serendipitous
gifts of friendship the Spirit
orchestrates.

Friendship is a gift. God’s grace

gets incarnated through the tiniest
movements of this sacrament—through
offerings of time, affirmation, and care
for one another in seasons of loss and
pain. And this grace is reciprocal—a
shared responsibility.
Sustaining a lifelong friendship
takes a commitment to
communicate and stay in touch.

All those conversations in the dining
commons were seeds of friendship,
needing years to mature. The fruit
comes when the long-distance
conversations become more personal,
tender, and attuned to one another’s
needs. From friends “that stick closer
than a brother,” I’ve learned how to be
like Jesus to others. Bless your friends
and affirm their strengths as careers
blossom, children arrive, and they
make significant contributions to the
kingdom, culture, and their professional
fields. Take the time, buy the f light,
and go to reunions.
Support those you love—even
at a distance—in prayer.

Join in praying for what God is birthing,
shaping, and accomplishing. My
Wheaton friends’ consistent intercession
for my life and cross-cultural ministry
is the greatest investment they could
have made in my life since college.
It is within these intersecting circles
of relationship that I discovered the
safety, grace, and lifelong friendships the
Spirit sculpted for me. Don’t wait until
your 40th reunion to see those ordinary
friends around you as holy sacraments.
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