A One-Derful Life with Mary R. Dittman, MBA
contributing writer
Real
Giving
Well, it’s thanksgiving again! We hear
a lot in november about being grateful
- and that’s important. but, the second
part of the word is “giving.”
out of love; yo u were giving to get. That’s keeping
Personally, this is why I’m not in a dating rela-
score. (PS – 1 Corinthians 13 specifically says, “love
tionship right now. I’m at a point where I’m unwill-
doesn’t keep count.”)
ing to give a lot. I felt very taken advantage of in my
As singles, we bemoan the fact that we “have
what the other person does. Even if they don’t give
so much to give,” only nobody to give to. However,
you a gift back, they don’t write a thank-you note,
I find many times that we aren’t so interested in
they don’t express their love and affection after “all
giving freely – we are more interested in giving to get.
you’ve done for them.” I’m not saying you don’t
The relationship is less of an offering plate and more
notice their behavior; maybe you’re even a little hurt.
like an emotional vending machine. I give A, B, and C,
That’s an opportunity for you to check your motives.
and I get back X, Y, and Z. I give my time, energy, and
If your expectation is along the lines of “I’m scratch-
vulnerable and to give of myself. I’d like a dog, but I’m
attention, and I get back love, security, and hope for a
ing your back, so it would be nice if you would scratch
not willing to spend the time and money it’s going to
future. But, when we’re giving to get, we’re not really
mine,” communicate that to the person – they cannot
take to have one.
giving…we’re manipulating. Ouch.
read your mind (especially if the person is a male).
Fortunately, I am able to be happy while single!
If you’ve ever found yourself recounting all
It’s very unloving to expect someone to develop the
I’ve learned a lot about how to have a One-Derful
you’ve done for someone, you are keeping score.
supernatural power of mind-reading just because you
life over the past few years, and I have put together
If you give a gift and then get offended because the
brought them chicken soup when they were sick.
a Cheat Sheet of the Five Books Every Single Needs.
receiver didn’t write you a thank-you note, you’re not
In business, you give something to get something.
giving out of love. My dad deletes people from his
A retail store gives a discount to get you to spend
Christmas card list if they don’t send him a Christmas
money there. A restaurant gives a free birthday
card. That includes my brother and me. (I’m not kid-
dessert hoping you’ll come again (and that the other
ding.) Just to be sure, I asked him why he never sends
people in the party will order desserts, too). Compa-
me a Christmas card and his response was, “Well, you
nies sponsor charities in order to get recognition.
never send me one!” That’s true, by the way – I never
80
In personal relationships, you do need a healthy
past few relationships, and I’m just not willing to
give right now. I’m generous with my friends, family, and students, but giving in romance is a different
level of vulnerability, and I am very guarded and
protective of my heart these days. It’s a quagmire:
I want a relationship, but I’m unwilling to be
I read the books, took out the best tips, and put them
on a 2-page cheat sheet to help you feel One-Derful.
It’s free – just go to www.One-DerfulLife.com/FreeGift
and you’ll be able to download it.
Meanwhile, if you’re not willing to truly give, then
don’t. That way, you don’t feel resentful of the
give-and-take. However, if you’re friends with or
people you are giving to. If you’re giving, then loosen
If you are behind someone’s back listing all the
dating someone whom you feel never gives, you need
your expectations of what you’ll be getting in return.
things you have done or given, only to be left broke,
to address that before you get to the list “of every-
That way, your joy can actually come from giving
broken-hearted, and broken up, you weren’t giving
thing I’m doing and you’re not doing” making stage.
rather than receiving. That feels pretty One-Derful.
send Christmas cards. Dad keeps score.
If you’re truly giving, you’re giving regardless of
NOVEMBER 2015
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