Lisa Carbone
contributing writer
longing to be
Close-Knit
I GREW UP
in a relatively large nuclear family and
an even larger extended family. it was a modern jurassic period before computers, before internet.
Fingers entangled in the dial on a rotary phone connected you to someone else.
There were no cell phones or
answering machines, just a simple busy signal or continuous
ringing to greet you on the other end. Eventually, you’d get
through. No set playdates were needed for us as children. You
played in front of the house for fun. Run out the front door and
low and behold: other kids magically appeared. You spent time
actually communicating face-to-face, not text-to-text.
I can’t recall an occasion when our family wasn’t together.
From endless birthday parties or picnics, to heated summers
with small splashing pools and BBQs in the backyard. Dinners
involved sitting around a table at a set time of day – every day.
So did breakfast, lunch and dessert!
We went out to dinner on Christmas Eve and would celebrate all night events at my aunt’s apartment for New
Year’s. We colored Easter eggs together at Grandma’s and lit
fireworks for July 4th in my uncle’s front yard. We had Halloween
parties all day, followed by all-night trick-or-treating where
both grown-ups and kids adorned costumes. Events were
celebrated around the home, not outside of it.
The door was always open and someone was always over
to visit, anytime of day. The phone lines continually burst with
conversation. It was never a dull moment and the chaos was
welcome, blissful and satisfying.
We walked to each other’s homes to see if they were around.
We all lived close by and simply knocked on the door, or waited
on the doorstep for them to return home. Living too far away
was unimaginable. Company would sit at the kitchen table
and talk for hours, relishing in the companionship. We stood
in line for the movies and drove to friends for pizza afterward.
My father’s station wagon was the vehicle of choice for
cramming as many neighborhood friends as humanly possible
in it for a drive for ice cream or to take trips to the beach for
all-day excursions in the summer season.
Alone time was treasured because it was so rare. Yet,
there was always a secret wanting for someone to be around.
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NOVEMBER 2015
A remote silence that would creep in if no one was around,
their own families and lives. Everyone is inundated. Everyone is
only to be banished by the eventual pandemonium of a hus-
stressed. No one has time or, even worse, the desire to reach out.
tle-and-bustle household.
Interaction has become a thing of the past or too much effort.
Dysfunction never was part of our family’s dynamic. We
I’m grateful to have grown up with an older generation
were an impenetrable fortress of togetherness! I expected our
and simpler time, a truer way of being. Togetherness was
family’s foundation to be tough in its exterior – life-proof! That
clear and palpable, felt and perceived. The interactions,
time and the trials of the real world would never shake or test
expressions, laughter, hardships and rewards of life can’t be
such a stable and sturdy structure.
expressed or learned the same way through technological means.
Being so close-knit, we knew each other’s plans, emotions,
shortfalls; our struggles and successes. We learned how to
Something always gets lost in the translation. Something is
always compromised.
budget and to be responsible. We learned how to have
There are moments I’m saturated with the aloneness and
fun and not take life too seriously, but always have that
isolation of being without my once inseparable relatives.
back-up plan. We grew up together. We went to the same schools
An event I never expected or planned. You would think
and celebrated one another at recitals, graduations, church
this would bring sadness and unhappiness, but it doesn’t.
ceremonies, weddings and births, comforted each other through
A longing? Yes. Nostalgia? Absolutely. Life has expanded and
divorces, ill-health and passings. I wouldn’t have believed it if
branched out our family tree where it no longer fits or is satisfied
you told me the time would come when I would rarely see them
by living in one common neighborhood or family unit. Instead, I
anymore, that I would one day have no tangible contact with
am only too grateful for the memories and values instilled in me.
anyone in my family. No more house visits, no more birthday
I have faith that the foundation established within us is being
parties, no holiday get-togethers. No dinners or celebrations.
continued with their families and friends.
I hope to be reunited with at least some of them in person
No communal interaction.
Most of my family contact is now experienced through
one day (and not at a funeral). I secretly yearn to rediscover
The computer has transitioned to
them. To receive news of their well-being or of any new births,
become the modern family living room. With texting, email,
accomplishments, dreams and plans. An extended family
social media, smart phones, etc., I almost never hear from
I haven’t even met in essence, though I know they are there. In
anyone on a personable level. Skype and Facetime have
the interim, I can always reminisce. I can pretend I am in my
replaced in-person visitations.
Texts and emails are the
grandmother’s kitchen counting the generations of children sur-
substitute for quick hellos and goings-on. I rely on Facebook and
rounding the table over quick-witted conversations and comfort
Instagram for family photos and events, while YouTube has me
cooking.
modern technology.
covered for videos and recitals or vacation scenes. I bear witness
to their professional accomplishments from LinkedIn profiles.
I have the memories my father originally created on
Super 8mm film converted to DVDs. While it was one of the best
While the modern family can tend to be a thin-veiled substance as of recent years compared to the abundant divinity of
the age I grew up in, all we can do is shift, grow, change and accept, and be grateful for what we are blessed with.
decisions I ever made and I can easily press a button to watch
I carry my family of yesterday with me every day, with ev-
my past unfold before me, it can never replace the “click-click-
ery experience. I carry their insights and lessons. I exercise their
click” of a film reel and my father sitting next to me as we played
judgments and kindnesses to those around me. I make sure
them.
I still visit them and have actual conversations as much as I can.
Much of my family has now passed on and the ones alive
Maybe amidst all this technology, we can realize in the end that
and well are so scattered that a plane ticket replaces a brisk
the gift of one’s own personal self is timeless and that family it-
neighborhood door-to-door walk. Everyone’s busy with jobs,
self is as fleeting as time.
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