faith
feature
Photography by Laura McBryde
Her faith started to revive. “I began to pray faithfully and ask
God for forgiveness. I started attending church with a purpose
– to worship and praise. I felt the joy of the Lord and it gave
me strength. Now I can talk to Him in complete faith, knowing
that He is a rewarder to those who diligently seek Him. I had
to go through this unfortunate experience, because most of my
faith in the past was in Ronnie. Many times I took my prayers to
Ronnie for him to give to God. This has forced me to rely solely
on God and what He is to me. I love Him faithfully because He
loves me, even when I’ve rejected Him. Though I still have my
moments, I don’t doubt God. I trust Him; my life is in His hands.”
On the first anniversary of Ronnie’s death, God gave Retha a
declaration, in which she wrote:
F
Four months into her grief, Retha shut down. “I turned off my
answering machine and stopped answering calls. I heard little
of what anyone said to me, including God.” While visiting her
daughter and son-in-law the following Valentine’s Day, Retha
had high hopes for Ronnie to show up. “I expected God was
surely going to show Himself strong. The other holidays had
passed and He hadn’t worked the miracle I had prayed for. I
watched and waited, but no Ronnie.” The next day, Retha made
the decision to seek professional and spiritual counseling. “I
was almost ready to accept the things I could not change.”
The counselor reminded Retha that God had not left her,
which angered her to hear. “Thankfully, he knew I was at the
weakest point in my life and was determined not to leave me
there.” After many sessions, Retha opened up about her family.
“My counselor reminded me that it was God who allowed me be
here and, if He needed me at home in Heaven, He would have
taken me.”
•I will trust in the Lord with ALL my heart… I will
lean NOT to my own understanding. In ALL my ways I will
acknowledge HIM and allow HIM to direct MY paths.
•I will continue to ask God to grant me the serenity
to accept the things that I cannot change, courage to change
the things that I can and wisdom to know the difference.
•I will continuously strive to be true to God, myself, my family and friends… And, always hold the memories
of my husband in my heart.
•I will not be taken back into that cold, dark place
of grief, sorrow, stress, or depression. Nor will I let the ink of
negativity spill on me.
•I will not go with the flow or rise with someone
else’s tide. I will create my own flow and rise to the highest
of ALL tides with God as my helper.
•I will not live a life of fear and anticipation of
what the next day will bring. I will trust God for total restoration of my joy.
•Finally – I will embrace the next chapter in my
life, trusting God page by page. This I declare with God’s
help!
Retha is grateful for the many earthly angels God has placed
in her path – family, counselors, pastors, her friends Gwen,
Ablean, and Elizabeth, and her New Jerusalem Baptist Church
family. She is most grateful, however, for the One who saved
her. “Thank you, God, for inspiring me to aspire. You are truly
AWESOME!”
Retha Brown resides in Florence, South Carolina. She is the widow of
the late Charles “Ronnie” Brown, with whom she has three children,
Towanda, Lashonda, and Charita. Retha is the Community Development Specialist for the City of Florence.
32
NOVEMBER 2015
SHEMAGAZINE.COM